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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462872">Is it too Soon to Say I Love You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazesurrender/pseuds/Blazesurrender'>Blazesurrender</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanraKixystix/pseuds/KanraKixystix'>KanraKixystix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Say Something 'Verse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>69 (Sex Position), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood, Blow Jobs, Come Swallowing, Hanahaki Disease, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Minor Character Death, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Rimming, Spanking, Stripping, Switching, Title Kink, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, last goodbyes, making promises, minor gore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:02:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,722</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazesurrender/pseuds/Blazesurrender, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanraKixystix/pseuds/KanraKixystix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A dreadful disease that laid dormant within the clones, passed down through Jango Fett, has started to spread wildly amongst the battalions. The 501st is no exception, and the cases are spreading rapidly. Fear has the soldiers terrified, not only afraid to be infected, but afraid that once they have been that they'll be unable to cure it. Jesse has successfully kept his symptoms hidden for weeks, but now that the disease is getting harder to hide, so are his feelings for a certain medic, and Kix has enough on his plate without Jesse adding his own complicated feelings to it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CT-19-7409 | O'Niner/CT-782 | Hevy, CT-21-0408 | Echo/CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555, CT-4040 | Cutup/CT-00-2010 | Droidbait, CT-5597 | Jesse/CT-6116 | Kix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Say Something 'Verse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1661968</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Kix/Jesse, TexWash's Must Reads and Rereads</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's finally here! We're finally working on editing the otherwise long finished prequel to "Say Something." </p><p>We'll be updating the tags as needed, but the basics are already there.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They have this arrangement, a friends with benefits kind of thing. It’s Kix's idea, because believe it or not, most bad ideas that circulate the 501st are born from Kix’s loud, drunken thoughts. Jesse hasn’t ever considered this a bad idea. They’re best friends, and best friends should be able to share lonely nights together. At least, that’s his logic. It has nothing to do with how long he’s been secretly pining for the combat medic, or that he’ll trade anything to keep Kix as close to him as he possibly can. </p><p>Tonight is no different.  </p><p>Kix hisses through his teeth as the girth of Jesse’s cock splits him open and his breath is hot on Jesse’s neck. Strong arms wrap securely around him, pulling him closer, and his own embrace answers Jesse’s. Slippery beads of precum smear between the head of his aching erection and his partner’s taut stomach.</p><p>Jesse clings to him, afraid to let go, but still tilts up into him slowly, gently searching for <em> that </em> spot inside Kix to make him see stars. Helplessly tossing his head back, the medic whimpers when his partner’s cock finally drags over his prostate, again and again and again. Kix shivers as Jesse kisses vivid marks across the skin of his shoulders.</p><p>When Kix cums, he’s <em> beautiful</em>. He spurts between them as Jesse’s lips sear more marks into his skin, squeezes Jesse's cock tight with his hole, moans his name repeatedly like it’s gospel. Jesse has to bite down on his own tongue so he doesn’t blurt out any confessions as he lays Kix down on his back. He rocks into him harder, faster, deeper, <em> taking </em> him, pretending he can make Kix <em> his</em>.</p><p>"Please, <em> please, </em> Jesse, cum for me." Kix urges him to cum and laces their fingers together.</p><p>Jesse wordlessly moans his feelings into Kix’s shoulder as an intense orgasm rushes through him, filling Kix’s body with semen and wishing that it was enough to make him want to be his. All Jesse wants is to stay inside Kix as long as he'll be allowed. It helps him feel closer, even if he believes this is all they'll ever have between them. This is better than nothing, and he tries to convince himself he can be happy with only this.</p><p>Satiated and riding out the high of sex, Kix cups his cheeks and kisses him with an emotion that Jesse dares not call adoration. “Stay the night. I don’t want to sleep alone.” </p><p>Unable to deny such an honest request, Jesse hums. “Yeah, I’ll stay with you.” </p><p>Eventually, Jesse does slip out from the confines of Kix’s ass, but only because he’s gone soft, and the loss of being constricted is replaced with a warm body pressed chest to chest with him. More and more nights have occurred when Kix wants Jesse to stay. As much as it hurts, Jesse always agrees. He winds his arms around Kix’s body and lets him nuzzle into his neck as he falls into a content rhythm. Sleep washes over them, and the mess they’ve made of one another waits until morning. </p><p>The sound of his comm going off is what stirs Jesse out of what is otherwise a peaceful sleep, and he groans when he stretches over his head to grab it from beside him. </p><p>...beside him? </p><p>His eyes fly open as his palm lands on the cool sheets of the bed where a body should be, Kix’s body, specifically. His heart squeezes and a harsh cough rattles his chest as he still fumbles for his comm that’s chirping endlessly. Whoever is on the other end of it is probably pissed that he hasn’t answered yet. </p><p>When his hand finally lands on the communicator, he slams his finger on the answer button roughly. “‘S’is Jesse.” </p><p>“I was starting to think you were dead somewhere!” Hardcase’s voice boomed loudly over the receiver. “Man, you really went at it hard last night, huh?”</p><p>Jesse groans again and throws his arm over his face. He doesn’t need Hardcase to remind him that this thing between him and Kix is just a friends with benefits situation that mostly happens when Kix has had too many brews, nor does he need the reminder that he woke up alone after Kix had asked him to stay the night. </p><p>“What do you want, ‘Case?” he grumbles, annoyed. </p><p>“Breakfast, duh,” Hardcase replies as though the answer should be obvious. “Get up and bring your pretty medic with you. They’re actually serving something that isn’t gruel in the mess.” </p><p>Jesse frowns and slides a hand over his face. He doesn’t have the heart to tell Hardcase that Kix left him in the middle of the night, or rather, he doesn’t have the heart to face that all he’ll ever be to Kix is a good time. Still, the idea of food sounds good, even if he isn’t all that hungry in the moment. By the time he gets there, he’ll likely have worked up an appetite. </p><p>“Hey, did you fall back asleep?” Hardcase’s voice jars Jesse back out of his thoughts. </p><p>“Be there in a few. Wait for me.” Jesse cuts his comm before Hardcase can reply, just in time for him to sit upright in the bed and cough again, this time more violently. His entire body shook with pain, and his chest tightened even more as speckles of blood coated his. In the center of his palm were pinkish white petals. </p><p>He groans as he takes a few steadying breaths, then grabs the corner of the sheet to clean himself up. They need to be washed anyway, he reasons. </p><p>It’s not the first time he’s coughed up petals, but it’s been occurring more and more frequently in recent days. He knows better than to tell Kix, mostly because he knows that Kix is the reason he’s coughing them up in the first place, but also because there are others that need Kix’s medical expertise more than him. Sure, he could see Coric, or if he’s desperate enough, he’s sure he can have Captain Rex arrange to have Mouse or Blade, the Ghost Company medics, take a look at him. As it stands, Jesse is in no rush to remove himself from active duty because he’s coughing up flower petals. </p><p>He dresses, changes Kix’s sheets for him to hide the evidence, and resolves to at least try to eat something when he gets to the mess. </p><p>The halls are busy on the ship, a sign that he slept in later than he usually does. Jesse’s thankful that he’s not on morning rotations for a while so that time allows for him to catch some extra hours of sleep, but it’s weird to be just getting started with his day when some of the men are already halfway done with theirs. He almost misses Kix calling out to him amidst the chatter. </p><p>“Jesse! Hey, <em>Jesse!”</em></p><p>Slowly, Jesse turns to face him, but only after Kix catches his wrist just inside the mess. He’s smiling wide, like nothing happened last night, and it sends a shooting pain through Jesse’s chest. </p><p>"Hey, I've been looking for you. I went back to the room but you were gone."</p><p>Jesse blinks a few times and stares at him, confused. Why would he come back looking for him? That doesn’t make any sense. </p><p>"Sorry I had to dip out on you,” he apologizes with a small pout. “When duty calls, I have to answer."</p><p>Ah, so he’d been called to the medical bay. Jesse really should have figured as much. Even when Kix is off shift, he’s always on call. Regardless, Jesse can’t bring himself to believe that’s all it is. He fakes a smile and clenches his jaw in an effort not to cry, because <em> of course </em> Kix wants to let him down easy. He’s warm and soft and sweet like that. </p><p>"No need to apologize, Kixystix," he mutters quietly with the intention of leaving the conversation at that. The weight of rejection is already sitting heavy in the pit of his stomach, and if he has any chance of forcing himself to eat something, he needs to walk away now. </p><p>Kix, however, isn’t inclined to let him wallow in his misery. Instead, he takes his hand and plops them both down into the closest empty seats and nudges him with an elbow. "The mess hall is where <em> you're </em> supposed to eat things, but something seems to be eating at you."</p><p>He pulls a ration bar out of his utility belt, and it’s then that Jesse notices the stim pack on Kix’s neck. So that’s how he’s been getting through the day without him. He takes a bite of the greyish meal supplement, and when Jesse doesn't offer any insight, he leans in closer, concerned now. "Jesse?"</p><p>Jesse tries to snap out of it when Kix puts a hand on his forehead to check his temperature, but he coughs violently, wetly into his palm again. He prays that there isn’t any blood this time. </p><p>"Stars, Jess. You're burning up." Kix frowns and cups his cheek. </p><p>"I'm-" Jesse coughs again and waves him off. "I'm<em> fine, </em>Kix."</p><p>"Bantha shit. You were fine… this morning," Kix argues, lowering his voice, “but now…”</p><p>Jesse quirks a brow skeptically. "Thought you rushed off in the middle of the night," he bites out his words. It's unintentional, but the way Kix recoils sends a wave of guilt through him, and it induces another fit of coughing. </p><p>"That doesn't mean I didn't check you over before I left," Kix admits sheepishly. "I always do."</p><p>Something small, soft, and wet tickles the back of his throat, and Jesse almost seizes with the force of his next round of coughing.</p><p><em> "Jesse!" </em> Kix exclaims in alarm, already grasping at the Lieutenant's elbow to drag him along, "Come on, forget breakfast, let me look you ov-"</p><p>Jesse wrenches himself away from the medic and swallows thickly. He already knows the shape and color of the flower currently in his mouth, he doesn't need to see it.</p><p>Once he's finally choked the blossom back down, he waves Kix's worried hands away. "I'm <em> fine," </em> he wheezes, shoving the medic away harder than he'd intended.</p><p>They accidentally cause a scene when Kix's back hits the wall. The collision isn't hard, not <em> too </em> hard anyway, but it's enough to shake even more concern from Kix as Jesse stares at him, horrified with himself. </p><p>"Kix-"</p><p>"It's fine, Jess." He lies and rights himself, and Jesse almost chokes again when he sees the hurt in Kix's honey eyes. "Just, make sure <em> someone </em> looks at you." He mumbles as he shoves past him and out of the mess.</p><p>"Yeah," Jesse mutters to himself, "yeah, sure thing Kixystix." He has no intention of letting <em> anyone </em> find out what's wrong with him. He knows what happened to Del and Joc, knows that Kix had anguished over how to help them while they both strangled themselves on roots, petals, and blood. Even if Kix doesn't return his feelings, he's confident the medic still considers him a friend.</p><p>“So...you didn’t tell him you’re head over heels for him?” </p><p>Jesse turns his head as Hardcase approaches. Okay, he’s told Hardcase, because other than Kix, Hardcase is his closest friend. </p><p>“Obviously not,” Jesse bites and runs a hand over his face. “How am I supposed to tell him without ruining what he already have?” </p><p>“You’re overthinking it vod’ika.” Hardcase smiles and puts a hand on Jesse’s shoulder. “Think about it. Kix hasn’t shown any interest in anyone else since you started sleeping together, has he?”</p><p>Jesse groans. “Hardcase, we’ve been over this.”</p><p>“And yet you’re still thinking too hard about it.” Hardcase counters, then offers Jesse a slice of bacon, which Jesse waves off. “Look, all I’m saying is that you’re not giving Kix enough credit. He isn’t the type to lead people on, and you know that.”</p><p>Another wet cough cuts out anything else Hardcase has to say, and this time Jesse does spit out the petals that are drenched in blood into his hand. He doesn’t miss the way Hardcase pouts, but he doesn’t want the sympathy. This is his problem. </p><p>“Talk to him,” Hardcase says, and this time he’s uncharacteristically quiet, “please, Jesse.” </p><p>Wiping the blood away and pocketing the petals to discard later, Jesse nods. Maybe he will tell Kix, but the thought of Kix not returning his feelings makes him choke every single time. He lets out an exasperated, slightly gurgled sigh and finally leaves the mess, breakfast forgotten.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jesse never wants to make Kix cry, but if Kix's "punishment" for making him cry is a date and a good fuck, he might consider it more often.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this took so long! The whole story has been written for ages, but my absolute least favorite thing to do in writing is editing. So alas, it takes a while for me to want to look at it long enough to make it seem cohesive, haha!</p>
<p>Anyway, enjoy this super smutty bit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jesse’s feet seem heavier when he walks back down the hall the way he came. He wonders if it’s the weight of his guilt that’s holding him down, or if it’s that he’s still tired and hungry. Another cough tickles the back of his throat, and he steps into a less crowded hallway to spit out the petals that fill his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the flood of flowers finally slows, Jesse shoves them into a spare compartment in his utility belt with a groan and wipes the blood from his mouth, trembling. Suddenly, Kix's door has never seemed so intimidating as he comes up to it. He steadies his hand and brings his head back to knock when it slides open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix blinks, looking a little red-eyed as he steps back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jess!” Kix gasps, and he looks away with what Jesse knows is shame that he’s been caught crying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse sighs and cups Kix's cheek, turning his gaze to meet his own. "You're crying over me. That's no good." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It’s fine," Kix insists, but leans into the gentle touch on his skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not fine, Kix," Jesse presses and steps closer, backing Kix back into the room and shutting the door. "Let me make it up to you," he whispers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix shivers at the suggestion, but doesn’t pull away. "Jesse-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please," Jesse implores, carefully gauging the medic's reactions. "I won't force you or anything, but-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before he can finish his sentence, Kix presses a finger gently to his lips to silence him. "Okay, but we do this </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> way."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Your way?" Jesse repeats around the digit, quirking a brow questioningly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Next time we're on Coruscant, take me out,” Kix teases with a lilt of a smirk on his lips, “show me a good time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse falters for a moment, taken aback, then chuckles as he keeps Kix close. “A good time, huh? I think I can manage that, but… "</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leans closer again and darts his tongue along Kix’s finger before he can retract it. "But it might be a while until we’re back on Coruscant, and I'm not one to make you wait."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix grins coyly. "Always so impatient… but I'm sure you can think of some way to make it up to me in the meantime," his voice drops, </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Lieutenant."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse can't help the shiver that thrills down his spine, and he runs his hands up Kix's sides. Stars, Kix really is going to be the sweetest death of him. It’s so easy to fall into him, to hold him and bend to his every desire, no matter how much it’s killing him on the inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"My precious little medic,” Jesse breathes against his ear, “have I ever let you down?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Never," Kix sighs and leans heavily onto his chest. "You always treat me just right, but maybe I could take care of you for a change?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What did you have in mind?" Jesse inquires and nips soft kisses on his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Let me work you open," Kix breathes against his cheek. "Let me feel you around my fingers, taste you on my tongue." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The medic takes Jesse's jaw in a gentle-firm grip and looks him in the eyes, "Let me feel you cum from my cock in your beautiful ass."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse whimpers faintly and shudders, suddenly weak at Kix’s words. The tightness in his chest recedes slightly. “I'm supposed to be making this up to </span>
  <em>
    <span>you."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And this,” Kix purrs, “is how you can start." A hand comes around to the back of the Lieutenant's neck and squeezes slightly. "Let me take care of you. Let me watch your ass sink down on my cock after I've worked you open for me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vines tighten in Jesse’s chest, but he ignores the wheeze that threatens to burst from his lips in favor of claiming Kix's in a bruising kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kixy...</span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>," he hums, immediately flipping from the calm, dominant soldier to the malleable lover that Kix wants him to be. Jesse would be a liar if he said he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hasn't</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought about being wrecked on Kix's perfect cock before. If this is all it ever is, then his time is well spent in his opinion.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck me," he breathes between kisses, and Kix’s hands are already exploring his body over his blacks, palming the tent in his lowers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's the plan, Lieutenant." The words elicit a shiver, and Jesse arches into the touch over his clothed cock with a disjointed, needy noise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix squeezes the tent in Jesse's pants and nips a sharp, claiming path down his throat. He gives the Lieutenant's cock another affectionate stroke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Undress for me," the medic exhales hotly against Jesse's cheek before pulling away, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>slowly</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A hot flush rushes up Jesse's neck as he eyes Kix up and down. What Kix is able to do to him is nothing short of amazing. He moves to his own rhythm that beats in his head, one that streams in the background of his mind whenever he and Kix get together like this. Sometimes it’s slower, because that’s what fits the mood, but most of the time it’s hot, sensual, upbeat, and right now it’s driving Jesse’s fluid motions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, as requested, Jesse locks eyes with Kix and rolls his hips, dragging the hem of his upper blacks up washboard abs. Inch after inch of exposed tanned skin forms goosebumps as Kix watches hungrily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, that's it," Kix hisses through clenched teeth. "So pretty, Lieutenant."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Being addressed by his title makes Jesse's cock throb, and he lets his steps tilt him closer to Kix as he pulls his uppers over his head and lets the sleeves roll down his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pretty for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kixystix," he purrs with a sultry wink and another roll of his hips. The medic feels his own length fatten in response and he presses down with the heel of his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Stars, Jess," he groans, unintentionally rocking into his own unyielding hand, "can't wait to have you moving like that on my cock."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse bites back a soft, keening cry of arousal. "I can't wait to be impaled on your cock." The filth falls so easily from his lips, and he accompanies them with a cocky tilt of his hips as he moves in on Kix with purpose, caging him against the bed with his thighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix shivers and licks his lips as Jesse tantalizingly shimmies his blacks lower and lower. He does try to keep eye contact with Jesse, truly, but when the head of his cock peeks over the waistband of his lover’s shorts, he can't help but bite his lip with anticipation. Barely able to restrain himself from darting his tongue along the slit, he groans.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Something you like, Kixystix?" Jesse teases, still teasing his blacks over his hips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Kix swallows. "You're so kriffing perfect, Jess." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To prove his point, Jesse's cock springs forth finally, hard and only inches from Kix's lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse rocks his hips forward slightly, barely close enough for Kix to kiss the tip of his cock and taste the precum already pooling there. The medic groans at the taste, but Jesse slips off of him and slides his blacks gracefully down long, lean legs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kriffing beautiful," Kix murmurs, reaching for Jesse now that the Lieutenant is finally undressed. "Come here, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ner ver'alor</span>
  </em>
  <span>, let me taste you. Please?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse holds out his arms, displaying himself to Kix like he's a prize to be taken, and Kix wastes no time in scooting closer. Blunt nails dig into the jut of Jesse's hips as he drags him closer still. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If the prominent erection isn't enough to rile him up, the scent of Jesse's arousal is. Kix moans as he inhales deeply, mouthing the underside of his cock before descending on it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh...</span>
  <em>
    <span>kriff</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kix..." Jesse purrs and immediately finds his hands in his short, intricately cut hair. "Your mouth is sinful." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A soft chuckle vibrates Jesse's cock as Kix looks up at him, eyes full of mischief and promise. As much as Kix wants to spend all night tasting Jesse's cock, he has other plans for him. It's with a last flick of his tongue over the slit that the medic finally mouths all the way down the shaft and over each of Jesse's balls in turn, worshipping each one with his lips and tongue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix!" Jesse groans, and his hips shift with the change in pressure as warm, slender, agile fingers replace the hot, wet stimulation on his cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fluttering another kiss to Jesse's sack, Kix murmurs, "I'm going to lick you open, and then you're going to bounce on my cock, let me watch your sweet ass take me as deep as you can.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lewd commentary has Jesse more than a little hot behind the neck, and he lets Kix guide him and bend him over. The position is so submissive and open, and while it isn't necessarily </span>
  <em>
    <span>new</span>
  </em>
  <span> to him, it isn't somewhere he finds himself often. He trusts Kix with his life though, both on the battlefield and off. Kix will take care of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He settles his head onto one of Kix's pillows and loses himself on the scent. It's sweet, different from the sweat of battle and grime in the fresher, and he moans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mmm, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mesh'la</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Kix breathes into the back of his thigh, and Jesse feels the flurry of soft kisses trail up the curve of his ass. "Stars, Jesse, how did I ever get so lucky to have your beautiful body in my bed like this?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A single flower almost strangles Jesse's reply. He swallows through it, telling himself that Kix is just being his usual complementing self. "I think </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm</span>
  </em>
  <span> the lucky one, Kixystix, but I won't argue with you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shame," Kix teases, trailing his fingertips up, "pretty soon you won't be able to use your mouth for anything but panting my name."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With that, the medic spreads Jesse's firm ass, putting his hole on display, and leans down to lick a searing, lascivious stripe from Jesse's taint to his tailbone. A hiss of pleasure seeps through Jesse's teeth, and he all but leans back into Kix's hungry mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pretends that the rasp in his breath as Kix circles around his hole and pushes the tip of his tongue inside of him is from that same pleasure, but he knows it's the vines constricting his chest. Determined to ignore it, he rocks back against him, moaning softly and flexing his hole around the slick muscle teasing him open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You taste so good," Kix chuckles as his slurps, and Jesse can feel the string of saliva trailing from his hole and connecting to Kix's lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse swallows thickly around another damned flower and sways his ass back toward Kix's blessed mouth. "More," he begs, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laughing softly, the medic kneads into the backs of his thighs. "Don't worry cyare," he kisses the words into Jesse's tailbone, "I'll take care of everything." He pauses briefly, before exhaling over his hole, "I'll take care of </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please, Kix..." Jesse chokes and arches his back, riding his tongue with soft, desperate gasps. His breath hitches when a fingertip grazes his hole.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think I've ever heard you beg like this, Jess," Kix teases as he pushes the finger inside of him. "It's </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> becoming of you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"K-Kix!" Jesse whines and twists to look at him. It's a gorgeous sight, and Kix can't help but kiss the small of his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Keep rocking yourself baby," Kix encourages with a light smack to the curve of Jesse’s ass. "You take it so well."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The praise makes Jesse's hole spasm and he hisses through his teeth, "You sure are doing a whole lot of talking for someone who was gonna 'open me up' on his ton-" His complaint breaks off with a yelp as Kix immediately dives back into eating his ass, licking deep and sneaking the tip of a finger in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So fucking tight, Jess," Kix purrs into the inside of one thigh, before sealing his lips around a soft bit of skin and sucking a mark into place. "Even though you've started to relax for me, you're so fucking tight even around </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> finger." His voice takes on a teasing tone. "Are you sure you can handle my cock?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse keens and presses his forehead back into the pillow, rocking back on Kix's finger. His body is shivering and begging for Kix to just take him. Still, he plays along the way Kix wants him to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Might have to go easy on me," he teases despite pushing himself further down the digit that twists in his hole, "but I’m pretty sure I can take that pretty cock of yours."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, I know you can," Kix purrs matter-of-factly, and the reverb is absolutely sinful. No one should sound so alluring and cocky and beautiful all at once. Another finger joins the first, and Jesse gasps as the slight burn radiates through his thighs. Kix is so good to him, and the thought of him taking his time to open him up properly makes Jesse choke down a flurry of petals.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You alright, Jess?" Kix pauses in his ministrations to ask, and rests a hand on his shuddering flank.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After swallowing thickly around a fresh smattering of petals, Jesse manages to gasp out, "I'll be better once you </span>
  <em>
    <span>move</span>
  </em>
  <span> again."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix quirks his fingers directly into Jesse's prostate in retaliation for the tone taken, earning a soft groan. "You were saying, Lieutenant?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stars ignite behind Jesse’s eyes when Kix strikes over his prostate again, and he bites into his fist to keep himself quiet. They’ve been doing this for so long, but Jesse can’t recall a time when Kix made him feel anything less than completely amazing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You look so pretty taking my fingers,” Kix murmurs and kisses the cleft of his cheeks. “I can't wait to see you bouncing on my cock."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One by one, Kix withdraws his fingers, and Jesse nearly sobs when he's left empty. Tenderly, Kix wraps his arms around his middle and pulls him up to his chest. Jesse isn't sure when Kix lost his own clothes, but he certainly welcomes the contact of flesh on flesh. They take a moment, Kix peppering his shoulders with soft kisses and his hands languidly palming over Jesse's cock. It's intimate, and it makes Jesse's breath catch as he swallows back more bloody petals. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kix</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Jesse almost cries with how painful it is, but he doesn't want this to stop. He should just tell him. At least then he'll know, but this is supposed to be a fling. They aren’t supposed to catch feelings and get mixed up in emotions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shhh, I've got you, Jess." Kix whispers so softly that it makes Jesse ache.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix," he begs, shifting his hips back to try to coax Kix's cock into him, "please, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shhh." The medic smoothes a hand up and down Jesse's side, frowning when his fingers dip into the shallow valleys of his ribs. "Are you eating enough? You need to keep up your strength."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'That would be easier to do if I wasn't choking on flowers every time I think of you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ Jesse replies internally as he sways back again, arching to lean his head back against Kix's shoulder </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you're not going to fuck me-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There'll be time to eat after,</span>
  <em>
    <span> di'kut</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Kix nips reproachfully into the back of his neck, rocking up and letting his cock slide between Jesse's thighs- completely bypassing his needy hole and bumping against his hanging sack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, Kix shifts and slides onto his back, making sure to drag his nails lightly down Jesse's spine, leaving goosebumps in his wake. Once he's settled, he grabs Jesse's hips and guides him over his cock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Still okay?" Kix checks in with him, the way any good partner should.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix, I swear on the Republic if you don't-" his voice cuts off in a silent yelp as the medic finally slides him down over his cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse gasps sharp and painful around the flora in his chest. "Kix, </span>
  <em>
    <span>kriff!</span>
  </em>
  <span>  Please!" He begs, rolling his hips to sink down further.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shhh," Kix soothes again, gently squeezing his hip in reprimand, "this is for me, remember? I want to watch your beautiful ass sink on my cock at </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> pace."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Almost sobbing with need, Jesse restrains himself. A shiver thrills down his spine at Kix's next words as he finally seats himself fully on the medic's cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Beautiful, Jess," the words thrum with adoration, and Jesse staunchly reminds himself that there is no place for feelings here. He barely bites back a strangled whine as the medic continues. "I could watch your ass for the rest of our lives and be content."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rebuttal spills from Jesse's lips before he can register any deeper meaning behind Kix’s statement, and he looks over his shoulder with a falsely innocent pout. "Don't you already spend most of your time staring at it?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To accentuate his point, he flexes his cheeks around Kix's cock. An appreciative groan rumbles from the medic's throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know you're looking when you think I'm not," Jesse continues, his words growing in confidence. "How good I'll look bent over and spread open for you, how deep I can take your cock." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix kneads the muscles in Jesse's ass as he squeezes his cheeks together again and licks his lips. "Mm, guilty as charged, Lieutenant. You just look so damn delicious. I can't get enough." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On his last words he brings a hand down on Jesse's ass, leaving a sweet red welt on tanned skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix-" Jesse gasps, arching and forcing himself further down on the medic's cock, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>stars</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I need it, please,</span>
  <em>
    <span> kriff</span>
  </em>
  <span>-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Take what you need," Kix croons as he rubs the reddening skin on Jesse's ass, bringing it down again in the same spot to bring a handprint to the surface. "Show me how much you need my cock splitting you open."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse tries to start slow, truly, but he can't contain himself, not when Kix smacks his ass a third and fourth time spurring him on. The stretch burns but it feels so wonderful. He fucks himself hard and fast, needing the pain and pleasure to distract him from the tightness in his chest and the petals that keep threatening to spill out from his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>kriff</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jesse," Kix moans and digs his fingertips into his ass to help him bounce, "you're so tight." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You love it," Jesse keens, "and I love your cock." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>I love </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>you</em>
  </b>
  <span>,' Jesse doesn't add.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His chest aches with the admission, even in his head, and he bites his lip to keep himself from saying anything aloud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I do love it, love how you feel around me," Kix groans and squeezes Jesse's ass appreciatively, "I love how you feel around me and how you beg for more."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The medic fucks up into him then, sudden and hard and desperate and it startles a soft shout from Jesse's lips as Kix's cock drags over his prostate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bed springs creak under them as Kix continues to meet each of Jesse's descents onto his cock with hard thrusts. The unmistakable sound of skin sticking to skin is almost as lewd as the whorish moans that tear from Jesse's throat. He's never been fucked this good, has never felt so hot, so…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don't say </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>loved</em>
  </b>
  <span>,' the voice in the back of his head whispers to him. '</span>
  <em>
    <span>He doesn't love you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.'</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought forces a tear to trickle down his cheek, and he wipes it away stubbornly, even as he suppresses another violent cough. Eyes closed now, Jesse indulges himself, pretends that this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> than sex, pretends that Kix really does think he's beautiful. His palms drag over his own body, feeling himself as he rolls his hips enticingly, changing the angle ever so slightly so that Kix is practically continuously massaging his prostate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck, Jess," Kix moans, and Jesse watches him over his shoulder as he licks his lips. He’s nearly drooling at the way Jesse’s ass swallows his cock. "Wanna cum inside you. Can I? Can I cum in your gorgeous ass?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Swallowing thickly around more flowers, Jesse nods enthusiastically. "Please, Kix,” he begs, "I want it. I want your cum in me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The medic drops his head back with a broken moan and a white-knuckled grip on Jesse's hips as he fucks up into him. "I'm gonna-" he tries to warn, but Jesse just clamps tighter around him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Go on, Kix," he encourages, "cum inside of me." Swaying his ass back on the medic's cock, Jesse groans as it drags over his prostate again. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kix!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unable to stop himself, he ruts up into Jesse's ass once, twice more before spilling inside with a choked-off, needy moan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In front of anyone else, Jesse would consider the sound that falls from his lips embarrassing. However, this is Kix, and Kix is different. Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>stars</span>
  </em>
  <span> he loves him so much. so Jesse has no reservations. He rocks down hard on the cock that's still spasming inside him, filling him up and claiming him. A long, whorish moan resonates throughout the room that remotely resembles the syllable of Kix's name at the end, and he cums, thighs shaking and hands scrambling for purchase. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jess," Kix praises as Jesse's ass squeezes around him, "you're</span>
  <em>
    <span> perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unable to immediately respond around the flowers choking him, Jesse trembles. Surely Kix only means it in his post-coital haze. Surely there's no way Kix returns the feelings that he should have put in check long ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But those feelings only intensify when the medic slowly sits up, keeping his softening cock buried in Jesse's ass. The Lieutenant </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> he should pull away now, laugh, and go wash up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, Jesse indulges himself, leaning back against Kix's chest and shivering with the force of the flowers squeezing around his heart. He tries to stifle a wheezing breath. There's no reason to make Kix worry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Practiced hands palm over him and drag through the mess on his torso. Kix is warm and his kisses are gentle as they pepper his neck and shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I love you," he breathes into Jesse's skin, and Jesse freezes, pants as he tries to parse the words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>He doesn't mean it. He doesn't… he </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>can’t</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> mean it.</span>
  </em>
  <span>'</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix..?" Jesse almost whines because his chest is in agony from all the flowers he's suppressing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The medic chuckles, but something is off about it.  "Sorry. I’m sorry. I know it's just sex." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>It's just sex</span>
  </em>
  <span>.'</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse does climb off of Kix then, only barely managing not to fall flat on his face. His legs threaten to give out as he stumbles over to the attached 'fresher.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>It's just sex</span>
  </em>
  <span>.'</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jess?" The medic sits up in alarm and swings his legs over the side of the bed as concern etches itself into his expression. "Are you alright?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>It's just sex.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse swallows the sound of his coughs, not wanting to worry Kix any more than he already has from his abrupt departure from the bed. He forces himself to swallow the flowers back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>It's just sex</span>
  </em>
  <span>.'</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm fine, Kix!" He calls back, leaning heavily on the sink and staring at his own heartbroken visage in the mirror.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hears Kix move from the bed and stand on the other side of the door Jesse slams behind him. "Jesse, I-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm fine, Kix," he lies, suppressing another wheeze. "...hey, could you grab me something from the mess after all? My stomach is feeling a bit off." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There's silence on the other side for a moment before he hears a quiet sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. I'll be right back."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse waits until he hears the rustle of clothes and Kix's door close before he finally heaves the petals from his chest. Petals, eight or nine or ten at a time, fly from between his lips, each one coated with more and more blood until he coughs one final time. In the sink rests a fully bloomed flower.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Normally, the Kaminoan Lily is white and tinted ever so slightly with pink centers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>These are red. Saturated. Almost wilted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's just sex..." Jesse sobs into the sink. He refuses to look at how pitiful he must look in the mirror. "Kix..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He coughs again, but this time there are no petals, just sobs wracking his body as he sinks to the floor. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know, I know! Kix goes from crying to 'sex please?' in like, two seconds. But there is a reason, I promise! You'll find out soon enough.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kix gets to the root of what's been bothering Jesse, and Hardcase takes a well deserved nap.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We are so sorry this update took so long! Life has been incredibly stressful and busy, but we're going to try and be better! Thanks for your patience, and we hope you enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Guilt is a feral beast. It gnaws its prey from the inside out, leaving the victim raw and exposed. The pain it causes is nearly unbearable, and with each step Kix takes towards the mess, each pair of eyes that seem to see right through his daily facade, he dies a little more. He tries to conceal his hands when they start to shake, and his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes the way it used to, not anymore, not since he accepted that Jesse is the only reason he really smiles in the first place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix sighs to himself. In hindsight, he knew better than to fall so hard. Their arrangement is just that, a way to blow off steam. They had been three pints too many into their night when they realized their hands were wandering and lips were curious, and Kix remembers Jesse’s slurred proposition like it’s still being whispered into his ear. He can almost smell the alcohol still. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Let’s fuck, Kixystix. You and me. You’re too kriffing pretty and I’m too wasted to be scared of ruining our friendship.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He should have said no, but stars, the way Jesse was looking at him, he would have brought down the entire galaxy just to hand him the stars if that’s what he asked. Jesse still looks at him like that, as though Kix is the only man in the galaxy that matters, and Kix loves it. He feels like there are stars in his veins and supernovas in his chest with every glance Jesse spares him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yet despite the fantastic feelings that surge through him and the frilly and filthy language that spills from their lips, Kix has to remind himself of one thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s just sex. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s just sex, and that’s why Kix pushes his tears away when Jesse comes to him. He tells Jesse he’s fine, and he slides on his mask once more, teases him about making it up to him with a date that will mean nothing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix feels bile rise in his throat as the stench of mess food hits his nostrils. It’s not the greatest food by any means, and it sure beats ration bars, but he’ll never quite get used to the pungent odor of overcooked meat and lukewarm broth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He spots Hardcase sitting by himself in a corner, half asleep as he lounges with a datapad in his lap. Other vode around them pay him no mind. If anything, they seem to respect their resting brother-in-arms. Kix is no such vode, at least when it comes to the boys in Torrent Company. With a smirk that comes easily to his lips, he lightly kicks the bottom of Hardcase’s foot and delights in his younger brother leaping out of his seat. When Hardcase’s eyes focus, he looks almost disappointed to see Kix, and he flops back down into his seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that for?” Hardcase picks up the datapad that had clattered to the floor in his scramble with a scoff. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be like that.” Kix grins and pokes his nose. “Why are you sleeping in the mess? That’s what the barracks are for.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t nap in the barracks when you and Jesse can’t keep it in your codpieces,” his younger brother quips with his own smirk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix snorts. Touché. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing here, anyway?” Hardcase’s question is laced with both curiosity and mild annoyance at having been disrupted. “I thought he went to go apologize to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pang of guilt lances through the medic’s chest. He hadn’t meant to cause a scene when he caught up with Jesse earlier that day. Besides, if anyone owes anyone else an apology, it’s the other way around. Kix assumed that Jesse would tell him what was wrong, because something is definitely not right, but he supposes now that it’s wishful thinking. He isn’t Jesse’s keeper. They’re friends, just friends, and it’s just sex. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe if he repeats the words enough, he’ll believe them and they’ll become true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He realizes too late that he hasn’t answered Hardcase, and the look that his younger brother gives him sets his cheeks ablaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop that. It’s just sex.” The words are spat rather than said, and Hardcase almost flinches from the venom in Kix’s tone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it?” Hardcase pressures him and narrows his eyes accusingly. “Or are you telling yourself that because you don’t think he could ever return how you feel about him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix narrows his own gaze and crosses his arms defensively. He’s not a fan of being so emotionally exposed, most especially when it’s Hardcase tearing his durasteel facade to pieces with minimal effort. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop it. If he was in remotely the same headspace I’m in, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Kix tries to reason with his vod without being snappy, but there’s still a bite to his words that he can’t quite mask. Either way, Hardcase doesn’t seem to mind. He shrugs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell him anyway.” Hardcase grins at his own tenacity, but it’s quickly shut down when Kix frowns and finally softens his gaze as he looks away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did,” he admits quietly, “and he froze up as if I’d scalded him with ice cold water.” His stomach churns at the same time that shock crosses behind Hardcase’s eyes. “He doesn’t feel the same, and that’s okay. If I can make him happy, even if it’s just taking the edge off sometimes, it’s better than nothing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Kix looks back at Hardcase, his mask is shiny and new, and he smiles brightly through the building sadness in his amber eyes. It’s unnerving. He knows from the horrified look in Hardcase’s eyes and the pout on his lips that what he’s doing isn’t healthy, but he doesn’t need to see it to know that his coping mechanisms are anything but good for his well-being. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get some sleep,” Kix tells his younger vod and tenderly drags a thumb over his cheek. He smiles when Hardcase leans into the touch. He’s starved for touch, that much is obvious, and Kix makes a mental note to put aside some time in the next few days to spend with him. “I have to bring Jesse something to eat. I’ll see you later, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Hardcase agrees quietly. “Good luck, ori’vod.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mask firmly back in place, Kix tosses Hardcase a wink and goes to speak to the mess staff to get something to eat for Jesse. Most of the good stuff from the lunchtime rush is gone already, but he manages to sweet talk the vod on the other side of the serving counter into giving him a portion of what they’re serving for dinner. It’s still not the best meal, a gravy covered pheasant breast that looks like it’s been carbon frozen for the last twenty years and just thawed out, but it’s better than a ration bar. Besides, Jesse needs to eat, and Kix will stand over him and watch him do it if it has to to make sure he does. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bows his head in thanks and tosses another glance over at Hardcase to find that his younger brother is already dozing off again. His breathing seems a little ragged, but Kix chalks it up to having been jostled awake earlier. Besides, he knows Hardcase almost better than anyone with the exception of maybe Jesse. If there’s something truly bothering him, he’ll come to him. Hardcase doesn’t like to keep things bottled up. Says that it makes things messy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix snorts to himself. Maybe Hardcase is onto something there. Still, Jesse made it clear that he’s not ready to hear those words yet. Kix resolves that he’ll do whatever he can just to be with Jesse for as long as he can. If that means their relationship is mostly sex, well, the sex is fantastic, so he’s not going to complain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The walk back to his quarters is brisk, much less heavy hearted. Maybe he’ll try and tell Jesse again. He deserves to know that things have changed, that their arrangement isn’t enough anymore. Kix has that much decency left in him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door slides open after he punches in the code, and he’s a little surprised that Jesse is still in the ‘fresher. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse?" Kix's voice is laced with concern, and he sets the tray of food on the small table beside the bed. He hears the clamour of skin hitting metal, followed by the flush of the disposal unit. Something isn’t right, and Kix’s brows knit tightly in as he marches towards the door. He wants answers, and damn it all, he’s going to get them. He cares too much about this idiot of a man to let him keep him in the dark.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Keep calm, though,’</span>
  </em>
  <span> he tells himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Don’t scare him off by yelling at him.’  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix bursts through the door just as Jesse wipes the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. "Jess, I-" the medic cuts himself off, when he sees the damning red splatter on Jesse’s skin. "Are you coughing up blood?!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘So much for calm.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kix scolds himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tears spring into Jesse’s eyes, and Kix notes the look of terror that settles in his features. There is panic in his eyes as he tries to look anywhere but directly at him. It sets Kix on edge. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse! Are you listening to me?!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry," Jesse’s whisper is filled with shame as he wipes the corner of his mouth. "It's nothing, I-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jesse!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kix hisses as he nears hysterics. He isn’t playing games anymore. Jesse has avoided him long enough. "That isn't ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing!’</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"M-Maybe it's just from being hungry?" The argument is lame, a piss poor excuse at best, and from the way Jesse shrinks back after he says it, he knows it without seeing the scowl that Kix aims at him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You promised me you'd get checked out," Kix pouts and immediately goes into what others in Torrent Company affectionately refer to as ‘Medic Mode.’ "How long has this been going on?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really, Kix, I-" Jesse swallows thickly again before clearing his throat and forcing a close-lipped smile onto his face. The edges of his skin are tinted sickly green, and his skin is clammy. Sweat drips from his brow, and from the vantage point Kix has beside him, naked and hunched over the bowl of the toilet, Jesse definitely looks as skinny as he felt beneath his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jesse insists. “This is nothing to worry about." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The air between them freezes, and Jesse shivers under the withering look Kix levels on him as he reaches out for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! No more lies, Jesse!” Kix’s hand is shaking as he closes around Jesse’s arm, and he tries desperately to ignore how frail he feels where there should be bulk and muscle. “You'll tell me how long this has been going on or I swear I'll-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Months, Kixystix!" Jesse explodes, and Kix retracts his hand as though he’s been burned. "It's been going on for months and it's intermittent, sometimes worse than others."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix feels small. An intermittent stomach bug? It would explain why Jesse has been hesitant to eat, and why his body has lost muscle mass. The lack of food intake can explain the mood swings, as well. It checks out medically, but the answer doesn’t settle quite right in the pit of Kix’s own stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Guilt rises in Kix’s throat. Has he been forcing Jesse into sleeping with him when he doesn’t feel well? Has Jesse been trying to avoid him? A million questions of a similar calibur rush through his brain so fast that he’s dizzy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kix?” Jesse’s voice cuts through the traffic in his mind, and he blinks the thoughts away to focus on the man he loves. He doesn’t have to force a smile, even if it’s a little sad, not when it comes to Jesse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can I do anything?" Kix's voice is small and maybe a little frightened, but he can’t help but worry. Jesse means the galaxy to him. A quiet gasp escapes him when Jesse ever so gently cups his cheeks, and Kix’s breath hitches when their gazes meet, because for a split second, Kix will swear that Jesse is looking at him as though he is the only person that matters. His heart skips a beat when Jesse kisses him, soft and tender.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Just be here for me," Jesse whispers. "Just keep being your perfect, amazing self. That’s all I need." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix can’t help but tremble in his hands. Rational thought is lost on him, and he surges forward for another kiss, this one more urgent and needy, and Jesse responds eagerly. Before Kix realizes it, they’re standing once again, and Jesse is backing him out of the fresher and back towards the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I could go again," Jesse smirks between kisses and the small gesture makes Kix’s knees quake underneath him. "I’ll show you how okay I really am."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Your food will get cold," Kix argues weakly, but he’s already shucking himself out of his blacks again. Anything Jesse wants, he’ll give to him freely. Anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's probably cold anyway," Jesse retorts, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> makes Kix genuinely giggle despite the effort he put into getting him something decent from the mess as Jesse lifts him into his arms. Kix ignores how Jesse’s arms shake with the added weight when they hadn’t in their previous bedroom excursions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What are you planning?" he questions curiously, leaning in to steal yet another kiss before Jesse deposits him on the bed once more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well... since you took such good care of </span>
  <em>
    <span>me,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Lieutenant teases, "I thought I'd return the favor."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix grins wide as Jesse settles over him and he wraps his arms around his neck. "You take the best care of me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s true, Kix thinks to himself. He’s had a number of partners, some vode more than once, but Jesse is without a doubt the best lover he’s had.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You deserve it," Jesse grins and kisses his forehead. "You spend so much of your time taking care of everyone else that you never let anyone take care of you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix gasps as their lips brush together, and his heart flutters. How does Jesse always know what to say, how to touch him, how to love-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘No,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>he scolds mentally. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘He's not ready to hear it. Not now.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Let me be that person," Jesse whispers. "Let me take care of you, Kixystix."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Always," Kix rumbles more than speaks, and the weight of Jesse’s words settle on his chest. He fights the tears that threaten to spring from the corners of his eyes. "I'll always let you take care of me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A soft moan escapes Kix's lips again as the Lieutenant mouths down his neck to lavish his collarbones with attention. Goosebumps prick his skin when teeth catch softly on his nipples, and he arches ever so slightly into Jesse's waiting mouth. His hands slide over the smooth surface of Jesse's head, his fingers subconsciously tracing the Republic cog printed there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jess…" he sighs breathlessly. He wants to add more, wants to tell him that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, that he can't be without him, that he'll give him anything he wants if he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>stays</span>
  </em>
  <span> with him. With a soft exhale, Kix leans his hips into the teasing kisses that Jesse is nipping into his hips, pointedly ignoring his cock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please, Jess," he murmurs, "don't stop." Nimble fingers trail over Jesse's head gently, not even guiding, just reassuring himself that the Lieutenant is still here, still with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘So selfish.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix tries to ignore the thought, gasping as Jesse sucks a mark into the inside of his thigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘He deserves better.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That thought is harder to let go of, but Kix reassures himself that Jesse would </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave</span>
  </em>
  <span> if he didn't want to be here, and the fact that he keeps coming back is a testament to Jesse's desire to stay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse…" Kix purrs, and his cock twitches with need. "Jess--"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse chuckles into his thigh and drags his tongue over the mark. "So vocal for me tonight, Kixystix," he teases. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You like it?" Kix replies cheekily and rolls his hips enticingly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I</span>
  <em>
    <span> love</span>
  </em>
  <span> it," Jesse tosses back and noses along the underside of Kix’s cock, trailing saliva along the pulsing vein from root to tip. “You smell like me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The comment makes Kix groan and his hips lurch involuntarily, and he catches the head of his cock between Jesse’s lips. With neither of them unable to resist any longer, Jesse finally dips down and sucks, leaving Kix to fist the sheet beneath them. Another slow, lazy drag of his tongue over the head of Kix's cock makes them lock eyes with the other. Kix is already flush, chest rising and falling swiftly with growing anticipation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're gorgeous," Jesse breathes, and Kix knows he doesn't miss the hitch in his breath before he descends on his cock again, taking him slow and steady, then sucks his way back up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'It's just sex.'</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse does it again, then again, until he's worked up a steady rhythm, but one that's still agonizingly slow. If Kix is being honest, he thinks Jesse is dragging this out, but he isn’t complaining. He wants Jesse like this for as long as he can have him, as long as the war will let him keep this angel wrapped up in sheets, naked and </span>
  <em>
    <span>his.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘He isn't yours,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>he reminds himself, but right now, in this instance, the war doesn't exist, and all that matters is the shivers and catches of breath between them as Jesse dips his tongue into the slit of his cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Stars, Jess!” Kix exhales, “with a mouth like that you could get away with anything!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse swallows around Kix's cock again, but this time is too much too fast. He chokes when Kix’s cock hits the back of his throat too hard, and coughs as he pulls up. Immediately, Kix fusses over him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Easy. You okay?" He frets, cradling the Lieutenant's face in his hands and searching his expression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kix," Jesse insists, and he squirms back down the length of the medic's body to envelop his cock in wet heat again. When he comes up for air he adds, "Stop worrying and let me take care of you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s an argument on Kix’s tongue, something about choking during oral is absolutely cause for concern, but as Jesse’s mouth travels lower and lower, finally reaching his balls, the argument dies. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I-I…" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's it," Jesse encourages as his fingers wrap around Kix's length, allowing him better access. "I'm going to taste every inch of your stunning body, Kixystix. You just relax and enjoy the attention."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix shivers and swallows down what is definitely not a whine, because he doesn't whine. Except he does. He whimpers when Jesse moves even lower, his tongue dancing over his skin, lips kissing sweet little marks into him until he's sliding his tongue flat across his welcoming hole. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse!" Kix squirms and his toes curl into the sheets.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You’re so beautiful like this, Kix." Jesse hums against heated flesh. Deft, strong fingers splay possessively across the bowl of his pelvis as he hungrily seals his lips over Kix, lashing at the puckered muscle mercilessly with his tongue. It sends Kix into a flurry of moans, each one more desperate and needy. The syllables of Jesse’s name are hymnal in the way he sings his praises to him as he arches in an attempt to feel him deeper. There is no verbal response, simply a soft hum of approval from Jesse’s throat before he licks into him again and again, plunging his tongue inside to wet Kix's hole in preparation for what is to come.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another whimper slips from Kix's lips, and he bites down to keep himself from being so blatantly loud. His efforts, however, are fruitless when Jesse adds in a finger beside his tongue. The moan breaks through the room like a whip in dead air, and he quickly covers his mouth, his mind reeling. Why now? They've done this, and much </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> before. Why is it </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> that everything feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>better?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Everywhere Jesse touches, kisses, puts his tongue, feels better than anything ever should, and they haven't even gotten to the fucking yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> "Don't hide your voice, Kixystix." Jesse’s demand is soft when he lifts his head up, but keeps the finger that’s inside of Kix moving slowly and continuing to stretch him open. Kix could cum right then and there with the heat and adoration that settles in his warm brown eyes. "Let the whole ship know who does this to you. I want them all to know."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those words earn Jesse a lewd moan, but Kix belatedly realizes that he’s distracted with the digit currently working him open and adding in a second. His mouth drops open in a wordless, panting gasp that vaguely forms Jesse's name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"P-</span>
  <em>
    <span>please,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jesse!" Kix manages to grit out, rocking down on the Lieutenant's fingers readily. "I want you!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse lets him ride down and fuck himself for a few moments, seemingly mesmerized by the way Kix’s hole sinks down and stretches around his fingers. The medic watches him, heat rising up his cheeks with the knowledge that they’re both on the brink of tumbling over, growing more and more needy by the second. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Foregoing a third finger, Jesse slides the digits out from Kix slowly. The loss of being filled makes Kix groan, but he's just as eager to pull Jesse up into his arms and kiss him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You sure you're ready?" Jesse asks against his lips as he fumbles for the bottle of slick that he knows Kix keeps under his pillow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Elek," Kix answers in the rare occurance of conversational Mando'a. "Gedet'ye, Jesse."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"K'uur," Jesse replies and kisses him again. "Just a little bit longer."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Lieutenant kisses the soft protest from Kix’s lips, and Kix can’t deny that he pouts when Jesse chuckles and finally brandishes the small tube. He clicks the cap open and drips several drops down the tip of his cock, slathering his length generously with lubricant.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Udesii, cyare. Be patient." His voice thrums with desire and restless energy, and it's clear that he won't be able to resist much longer. He lets his cock slide between Kix's thighs, bumping against his balls and rutting against his hole.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Love making you wait for my cock," Jesse purrs as he grinds playfully between Kix's ass cheeks again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The comment elicits a surprisingly light and giddy chuckle from Kix, and he grins. "I hate it, but you make it so worth the wait."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>You</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> are worth the wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>,</span>
  <em>
    <span>’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kix doesn't say aloud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bottle is tossed aside, no longer needed and all but forgotten as Jesse lines himself up. The tip of his cock catches on Kix's hole once, twice as he teases him, before he finally breaches him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse," he gasps, instinctively wrapping his arms around the Lieutenant, even as Jesse keeps his thrusts shallow at first, allowing Kix to feel the girth of the head of his cock barely nudging at his prostate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix moans raggedly and buries his face in Jesse’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please, Jess, stop teasing. I need-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shh, I know," Jesse murmurs into his jaw. "I've got you, Kix. I want you to fall apart on my cock."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'I'm already falling apart for you,'</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kix doesn't say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse's thrusts are slow as he works his way inside of him, keeping Kix panting softly, on the verge of begging to just fuck him already. And then Jesse slides into him completely, groin to ass flush with his own body, and Kix can't help the emotional gasp that leaves his mouth when he starts moving, still slow, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>stars above</span>
  </em>
  <span> this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>sensual</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>love making</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Kix can't catch his breath. He tightens his arms around Jesse, brings him closer, chest to chest so he can feel their hearts pounding in an almost identical rhythm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix," Jesse breathes against his cheek, hot and sweet, and the medic barely has to turn to claim his lips in a series of wet, chaste kisses. “Stars, you feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>incredible</span>
  </em>
  <span> around me." He rocks deep, not thrusting just yet, rolling his hips in short, slow motions to keep Kix full of his cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unable to stop himself, Kix feels a needy noise bubble up from his chest. "Feels so good, cyare," he murmurs, turning to claim Jesse's lips again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steadily, the pace between them quickens, though it isn't bruising or punishing by any means. Jesse is still taking his time, drawing out each of the delightful noises that falls from Kix's lips with purpose. Their bodies are molded together, perfectly in sync. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'This is how it should feel,'</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kix thinks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>'Love feels like this.'</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Jesse finally rubs against his prostate, Kix's back arches, and he whispers as he digs blunt nails into Jesse's shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, Jess… right there… </span>
  <em>
    <span>don't stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I couldn't stop if I wanted to, Kix,” Jesse moans softly against his skin, “and I sure as hell don't want to stop." He rolls his hips again emphatically, earning a broken moan as he drags his cock over Kix's prostate again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Like that, cyare?" Jesse asks, mostly teasing as he does it again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Just like that," Kix purrs. He stops himself from saying that he can get used to this, that he will give everything to Jesse if that's what he wants. Instead, he relishes the stickiness of Jesse's skin under his fingertips from the sheen of sweat glistening on his back. He takes in his scent, a lingering mixture of sex, sweat, and a cologne that always has Kix drawn to him. There's something floral as well, but maybe he imagines that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hungry lips suck another mark into his skin and teeth drag, catching lightly on goosebumps as they work to bring another claiming bruise to the surface. Kix wants to be covered in them, wants the galaxy to know that Jesse, beautiful, strong, amazing Jesse gave them to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"More…" he moans breathlessly, though more what, he doesn't know. He wants Jesse to consume him, to bury him in love and lust and genuine affection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"More?" Jesse teases, rocking deep and slow into him, before quickly drawing his hips back and snapping them in, eliciting a choked shout from the medic under him. Before Kix can begin to gather his thoughts enough to retort, Jesse presses another searing kiss to his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"More of this?" He snaps his hips again, skin slapping as his pelvis meets Kix's ass.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, Jesse!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Lieutenant grins into his lips and nips a trail of hungry kisses down Kix's throat. "Want you to cum on my cock," his voice breaks slightly with an unspoken emotion that Kix doesn’t dare try to decipher.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A string of moans that vaguely sound like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘pleasepleaseplease’</span>
  </em>
  <span> spills from Kix's lips. A gorgeous flush dusts his cheekbones as Kix reaches up and brings their foreheads together. Kix would swear on his half-life that Jesse’s eyes are shining brighter than any star in the galaxy as he nuzzles into him, still panting.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A moment hangs between them, one that seems like it lasts forever and is still gone too quickly. Their eyes lock, their breaths mingle and they both moan against each other's parted lips. Kix's chest squeezes with the need to let it all slip out, to tell Jesse everything, that he's in love with him, that there's no one in the universe that he wants to be more than him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"K-Kix," Jesse stutters, "I…" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, Kix nods, and he hopes to any deity that will listen that it all means what he thinks it means, and he cups Jesse's cheeks so tenderly that Jesse's lip trembles. The sound that follows is rapid, high pitched breaths followed by silence as Jesse feels Kix cum between them. It only takes him a few thrusts to follow him over the edge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix wraps his legs tighter around Jesse's waist. "Stay," he whispers, almost begging, "stay inside of me and hold me for a little while. Please."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A contented smile spreads over Jesse’s lips and he settles on top of Kix. He folds an arm under his chin and props it up to look at him bask in his afterglow as his other hand strokes his cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're amazing," he whispers. "You deserve the galaxy, you know." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix is already shaking his head, gently taking Jesse's face in his hands, "You're such a good man, Jess. You deserve so much, and you always take such good care of me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pauses and lets his mind wander. Jesse is always dropping everything for him. He puts up with his attitude after a long shift, lets him vent, holds him, kisses him. Jesse makes it feel like the fight day in and day out is worth it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, you okay?” Jesse’s voice, laced with worry, breaks through the thoughts, and Kix shakes his head of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah," he murmurs. “I guess. My mind is wandering. You do so much for me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you, especially with all these new cases springing up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The Flower Disease?" Jesse asks timidly, kissing the inside of Kix's palm as it's pressed gently to his cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hanahaki,” Kix nods and continues, “there have been seven more cases confirmed in the 501st alone. There's at least ten, maybe twenty times more throughout the Republic Army, and it just keeps spreading."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is there a definitive cause?" Jesse asks, and Kix can’t quite place it, but he thinks he senses a quiver in his voice when he does. "Or cure?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time, Kix shakes his head. "All we know is that it's caused by unrequited deep attachment." A flush creeps up his cheeks. "The theory is that if the feelings are returned, then the disease clears up on its own."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse swallows, apprehensive to ask his next question. "… and if they aren't?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix frowns and cups Jesse's cheek. "… the vines continue to grow until the disease causes the user to cough whole blooms. Once that happens… it's more or less a death sentence." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His voice drops terrifyingly low at that, and the loving, warm atmosphere that had surrounded them before is replaced with the icy chill of uncertainty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, Jesse jerks upwards, clutching at his chest, breathing labored. He coughs harshly, and it shakes his entire body as blood splatters into his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jess?!" Kix follows him upright instantly, concerned etched into his features as he starts to fret over him again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm fine," the Lieutenant insists, though he rubs one hand over his abdomen with uncertainty, "I told you, it's intermittent."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix nods slowly. "With Hanahaki going around like it is, those of us who don't have it are having to pick up the slack. I can put in a word with Rex? Maybe get you some time off to rest?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse's already shaking his head. "No, that's not necessary.".</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a sigh, Kix settles an arm around Jesse's waist and pulls him closer. "You really should let me, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone,</span>
  </em>
  <span> look you over. It could be something serious. I can get ahold of Mouse or Blade in the 212th. They’re both more than capable medics."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Relax, Kixystix," Jesse scoffs, though it comes out sounding forced. "It's probably just a stomach ulcer or something." He volunteers, hoping to satisfy Kix's desire to keep him safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Following Jesse's lead, the medic extrapolates, "That </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> explain the bleeding and your lack of food intake, but you should still let someone look you over to make sure it doesn't get worse."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse shakes his head and wipes the blood on his hand onto his blacks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not tonight," he says with a reassuring smile. "I just want to stay in bed with you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>You could stay forever</span>
  </em>
  <span>,' Kix wants to say. Instead, he opens his arms back up and latches onto him, dragging him back down to the bed on top of him. He settles for a slow, tender kiss, and ignores the scent of lilies that seems to be lingering around Jesse when their lips part. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Jesse lays next to Kix, Kix curls into his side and rests his head on Jesse's chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. It takes longer than usual for him to hear it, but once he finds it, he latches onto it. He smiles when he does and lets his eyes slide shut.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe it’s more than just sex</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Flower Disease is getting worse and worse, and Kix can't escape it, not with Jesse, and not with the brothers that he swore he would save.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello hello! I hope you all had a nice holiday, and that you brought your pocket tissues, because our gift to you is more pain! </p>
<p>No but really, it was hard to write this one. Bring tissues. </p>
<p>A few things to note, let's just pretend that Cody and Rex saved all of Domino Squad and Rex won a bet to keep all of them and their Sergeant. Yeah? Yeah! </p>
<p>Also, and I think we touched on this last time, but just a refresher: Yes, I know that Hardcase is older than Jesse and Kix, but the sake of this fic, he's younger. You'll live. </p>
<p>Also also, someone leave Coric some damn caf in the comments. He needs it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Kix." A hand brushes over his cheek. “Rise and shine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The medic grumbles sleepily and lazily pulls Jesse down on top of him again. "Five more minutes, cyare.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse chuckles as he repeats himself with more force. "Come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, di'kut, you have a double tonight!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix whines as he holds Jesse tighter, enough to feel the ragged rise and fall of his chest as he struggles a little to breathe. In his slumbery haze, Kix thinks nothing of it, and a sleepy smile curls on his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I can't get up yet," he argues. It’s a bit of a struggle, but he leans up slightly to claim Jesse's lips with his own in a sweet, slow kiss that makes his face burn with adoration. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Now, I can get up," Kix chuckles and lifts a finger to boop Jesse's nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse shakes his head and kisses the digit. "You're impossible, you know that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Incorrigible, yes, but not impossible," Kix tosses back as he gently presses Jesse back to allow himself room to sit up and stretch. "Don't you have a shift, too?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not 'til a little later," Jesse replies with a flop back to the bed and a stupid grin. "I get to sleep in."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Lucky," Kix scoffs. "Must be nice."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"After the last few weeks, you bet it is," Jesse huffs and watches as Kix moves about the room, seemingly struck by Kix’s beauty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix smiles as he slides his legs into his blacks, then pulls the top half over his head. He should shower, he knows, but he rather likes the lingering scent of Jesse on his skin. He’ll shower after his shift. For now, he wants the reminder that Jesse was inside of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A weak, barely there cough catches his attention, and he turns back around to face Jesse with a frown. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You should let me check out that possible ulcer to make sure that it's not something more serious," he insists. "If it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>, wouldn't it be better to know, and treat it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watched the conflict in Jesse’s eyes. This time, he’s unable to effectively divert Kix's attention. With a defeated groan, Jesse throws an arm over his own face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fine, you win. Call me when you're ready for me." The Lieutenant internally cringes at his own word choice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I will, don't worry about that." He returns to the bed, gently pulls Jesse's arm away to reveal his face, and steals one last kiss. "I'll comm you," he says like a promise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix leaves Jesse without another word. If he had lingered, he’d have heard the body-rattling cough that forces itself from Jesse’s chest. He’d have seen the blood as flower petals and full blossoms vomit from Jesse’s mouth. He’d have heard the gut-churning sob that wracks Jesse’s entire body as he cries. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Kix walks through the halls of the ship there's a spring in his step. Maybe it isn't just sex. It doesn't feel like that anyway. This feels like more, like...well, like a relationship, he thinks. Maybe it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A smile spreads over his face. Nothing can bring him down. Even this hell of a double he's walking into. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least, that's what he thinks before he doors to the medical bay hiss open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix, thank the force," Coric greets him, and he looks </span>
  <em>
    <span>exhausted</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but Kix’s eyes are trained elsewhere. There’s blood - so much blood - on the surface of all of the electronics, the floor, even above their heads, splattered on the ceiling. Medical droids are working to clean it up, but something on their robotic faces has Kix worried that they’ve been doing this all day. Amongst the blood, there are flower petal, some whole blooms, saturated and wilted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What the hell happened here, Coric?" Kix asks, stricken with horror.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"See for yourself," the other medic begins, as he leads Kix past bed after bed of wheezing brothers, until they approach a bed shielding by a privacy curtain. They pause for a moment, and Coric turns to him. "It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kix. Cutup and Droidbait..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix curses under his breath. After picking up all of Domino Squad and rescuing the few remaining vode from the Rishi Outpost, the pair had been inseparable. He, hell, </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought it was only a matter of time before they confessed their feelings to one another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Holding his breath, Kix follows Coric behind the curtain, and almost throws up in his mouth. There's almost as much blood in their private section as there is in the rest of the medical bay. There are two bodies buried under a mess of crimson and wilted Kaminoan Acacia flowers, and Kix can make out the streaks of tears on their cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cutup curls protectively around Droidbait, but neither have the strength to raise their heads. The latter coughs weakly, breath rasping. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Cut'p," he whimpers, "hurts..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The jokester can't think of anything funny to say now, can't find the breath to. He brings one heavy hand up to touch Droidbait's cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That's when Kix sees the bloodied lip prints that decorates both clones' faces. His stomach roils, and he swallows thickly as he wordlessly excuses himself. Coric follows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What is the meaning of this?” He growls under his breath as Coric closes the curtain again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Coric grimaces and closes the curtain again to give them privacy. "I'm not positive. My theory is that mutual longing causes excessive complications if..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If what?" Kix hisses. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Coric hesitates and runs a hand over his face. "If the confession comes too late. And I don't think it's just the mutual pining, but anyone that confesses too late, even if the feelings are returned." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix feels faint. "So now we have to worry about a time window, too? Because brothers dying from unrequited love wasn't enough?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Coric sighs, and he moves across the room to another curtained area. "It gets worse, Kix."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Worse?!" Kix bites the inside of his cheek to control the note of panic in his voice, "How could this possibly get </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They pass several brothers who are curled in on themselves, pain and misery etched into their pale, sick faces, all from the same genetic disease that the Kaminoans overlooked in the cloning process. The next bed they visit also has a privacy curtain. Coric ushers him inside, and Kix nearly bursts into tears at the sight that greets him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sergeant O'niner blinks weakly up at them before turning his soft gaze back to the clone clutching his hand desperately and murmuring, stammering, </span>
  <em>
    <span>begging</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him to keep fighting.It takes Kix only a moment to recognize the subtle gray tattoos decorating his cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hevy?" He questions softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix," Comes the subdued reply, without meeting his eyes, "why isn't he getting better?" Hevy's question is choked by his own petals and he stifles a sob. "I can't lose him, Kix!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix's heart clenches as he rests a hand on Hevy's shoulder. "We're going to do everything we can, Hevy." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He then turns his attention to O'Niner and tries to put on a reassuring smile. "Hang in there, Sarg."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>O'Niner makes a noise that Kix is sure is meant to sound like a scoff, but he coughs instead, petals falling from his lips, and Hevy panics. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nines!" He gasps and moves quickly to wipe the Sargeant's mouth with an already bloodied cloth, fresh tears shining in his eyes. "Please… stay with me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can't."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hevy drops his face into his Sergeant's hand, "No... no! Please, Sarge, I can't lose you!" Tears burn tracks down his cheeks as he coughs, spilling his own flower petals across O'niner's chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I won't make it, verd'ika," his breath rattles ominous with his impending death, "stay strong, sweetheart."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sarge</span>
  </em>
  <span>! </span>
  <em>
    <span>NINES</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Please don't do this!" A strangled sob breaks Hevy's voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hevy," O’Niner's eyes dim as he weakly reaches up to touch the Domino's cheek, "I... I love y-" a weak cough fractures his words, and his breath rattles in his chest one last time as Hevy screams his heartache into the sheet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. NO! Come back, Nines! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>! You have to come back! I need you! I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> you!" The rest of Hevy's words are lost in another wracking, coughing wail.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix gasps before his throat closes up and he puts a heavy hand on Hevy's shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he rasps, and he excuses himself to give him privacy, Coric again following behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as Coric has the curtain closed, Kix turns to him with horror in his eyes. "What the hell are we going to do about this? Why didn't you </span>
  <em>
    <span>call</span>
  </em>
  <span> me, Coric? I could have-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There's nothing you could have done, Kix," Coric sighs. "If there was, I would have called you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix runs a hand through his buzzed hair and notes that his hands are shaking. "How do we handle this?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The best we can," Coric replies grimly, crossing his arms. "We give Hevy time to grieve and then prepare O'Niner to be sent back to Kamino." He pauses, then nods towards the other curtain, "and you might as well make preparations for Cutup and Droidbait. They won't make it through the night."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are Fives and Echo aware of what's been going on?" Kix asks, dreading the answer. Coric shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Rex has had them pulling doubles every time they're scheduled."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course he has." Kix seethes quietly. "Let them know. Cutup and Droidbait are theirs and Hevy's squad-mates, and Hevy is going to need someone while he mourns. They should be informed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He forces himself to calm down and take a long steadying breath before speaking again. "You're free to go, Coric. You've earned it. I can take it from here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's a lie. They both know it, but Coric is coming off of his own double shift, and he desperately needs sleep, if the bags under his eyes are any indication. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Coric sighs, grateful, and claps a hand on Kix's shoulder. "I know the majority of the brothers in here are doomed, but if you think I can help..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix forces a smile and returns the gesture. Coric is a medic through and through, a feeling Kix knows well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You'll be the first to know," Kix assures. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Coric leaves, Kix immediately starts to get to work, checking over brothers and making the appropriate communications. By the time he's made the first rounds and checked in on Cutup and Droidbait, Fives and Echo arrive in a rush. Even in their rush, Kix can see the sadness and pain on their young faces. It breaks his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix!" Echo skids to a stop, Fives nearly crashing into his backside. "Where-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix puts a finger to his lips to quiet them, then frowns sympathetically. "Hevy is with Sergeant O'Niner saying his goodbyes. Cutup and Droidbait are through here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Side by side, Fives and Echo duck into the curtain, and Kix doesn’t miss the horrified gasps in unison, nor does he miss the distinct sound of Echo’s breath hitching as he stifles a sob into his hands. He gives them the privacy they deserve, waiting for them to come out on their own. Several minutes pass, maybe longer, but Kix is in no rush, not tonight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they emerge, Kix takes notice of the blood on their chests and pauldrons, and hands them a clean towel. Fives takes it, cleans himself, then Echo, who can barely manage to move on his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” Kix asks them seriously. “Hevy isn’t going to be easy to deal with.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fives is the one to take charge of the conversation this time. “Yeah. We’ve got him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the words leave his mouth, he hands Kix back the towel and nudges Echo. “Right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A beat passes before Echo nods silently, but his face carries resolve. They can mourn together later, but right now he has to be strong for his brother. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix leads them to the privacy curtain the same way Coric had done for him, and Fives and Echo slip silently behind it. They find Hevy still clinging to O’Niner’s hand, quietly begging him to come back to him. Without speaking, each of them gently take one of his arms. Hevy's chest heaves with another sob before he crumples into them, staring vacantly at their Sergeant's lifeless body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, vod,” Echo says to him softly, “he has to go, and so do you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hevy hesitates, but it’s clear that he doesn’t have the strength to fight him. Slowly, they guide him away from the bed where O’Niner is finally at peace. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to say your goodbyes to DB and Cutup?” Fives asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A fresh wave of pain springs to Hevy’s eyes as he stops. “They’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>?! What?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shock registers on his face, and when Fives opens the curtain for him to see, Kix has to look away in order to hide his tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no...</span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Oh Gods!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix doesn’t have to see them to know Hevy is crying when he falls to his knees because he hears the muted splash of their impact in puddled blood . He allows Hevy the same courtesy he did the others, and he knows that they’re gone when he hears Echo whisper that he’s going to close their eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They finally emerge, and Kix turns to them as they begin to make their exit. Fives and Echo still have Hevy trapped between them, guiding him. They’ve lost a lot, more than Kix can fathom in such a small amount of time. He will be having a chat with Rex about their mental well-being and giving them time to properly grieve. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for sending Coric to get us,” Echo says solemnly to him. “We had no idea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Kix frowns and puts his datapad down long enough to gently touch his cheek in what he hopes is comfort. Echo leans into the touch, and despite everything, Echo sighs with the smallest amount of content. “If there’s anything else I can do-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve done everything you can.” Hevy’s tone is harsh with grief, weighed down with exhaustion. “Thank you, and thank Coric. I got to be with them. That...means more to me than you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix smiles sadly and moves his hand to Hevy’s cheek. “I’m so sorry. Get some sleep, vod’ika, all of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fives nods, takes charge again, and leads the three of them out of the medical bay, leaving Kix alone with beds of dying brothers once again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix buries his face in his hands and allows himself to stifle a distressed noise into the back of his hand before returning to work. He shudders as he begins submitting the requisite files regarding the times and causes of their deaths. He’d never thought that the paperwork would be the easy part of his job, but he finds it a nice reprieve from the blood and chaos. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix takes his time cleaning and sanitizing the three newest empty beds between rounds. He’s thankful that the worst that’s happened in a handful of hours is some vomiting of petals. Of course, he should have known that when things get quiet, something’s bound to go wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a bit of a clamour outside of the medbay doors before they hiss open. Kix raises his head, ready to snap at whoever it is, only to hear another dreaded, blood-wet cough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hardcase?!" Alarm trickles into his voice when he recognizes the newcomer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hardcase looks up at Kix with tears in his eyes as another full blossom tumbles from his lips and flutters to the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix," he whines as he takes a few staggered steps into the medical bay, "I-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His words are cut off by a harsh cough, followed by a spray of blood that splatters at his feet. In seconds Kix moves in front of him and ushers him to the first empty bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How long has this been happening?" Kix asks, trying not to sound frantic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Hardcase can reply, several blood-wilted whole blooms tumble from his mouth. That answers Kix's question. "Too long, then," he murmurs grimly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Guiding him to lie on his side, Kix quickly scans his vitals. Hardcase wheezes, "I don't want to die."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix's heart shatters and he gathers Hardcase into his arms, stifling a harsh sob at his next words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix, I..." more bright blood spatters down his front, smearing on Kix's lab coat, "I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shhh, it's okay. You're not going to die, 'Case," Kix says adamantly and emotionally. He cups his brother's cheek and presses his forehead to his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Who is it, vod'ika?" He asks softly, but Hardcase recoils and shakes his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Doesn't matter. They don't love me," he replies bitterly, which brings on another rattling cough. ".. never even saw </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>," he adds through more tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix's heart shatters. He knows Hardcase doesn't have a lot of time, but this is his brother, one of his best friends. He has to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please," Kix pulls him close, ignoring the blood and flowers spilling over his own chest from 'Hardcase's lips, "I won't lose you," he promises.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a rattling laugh, Hardcase lifts a hand to rest it over the medic's. "Just don't let go," he asks, sorrow glinting in his amber eyes, "please don't let go."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix slides into the bed beside him and tucks his brother's head under his chin. Slowly, he rocks Hardcase back and forth, clutching him to his chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I won't, I promise." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's too late. They both know the truth, but Kix won't let his baby brother die alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hours pass. Kix </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> he should be checking on other patients, but if they've needed his attention, they haven't asked. If anything, they've silently watched on with respect as Hardcase's breaths become more and more shallow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sits there for so long that when Coric shows back up for his next shift, Kix is stunned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Coric? Oh no, I'm so sorry, I-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Coric puts a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "It's okay. I've sat with my share of brothers I was close with, too. It's a luxury we're not often afforded." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Luxury</span>
  </em>
  <span>,' Kix thinks. It's a cruel way to look at it, but it's the truth. Most brothers die on the field, some are left behind, some...there's nothing left of to send back. Yes, a luxury indeed, that he should be so lucky as to hold Hardcase while he passes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesse</span>
  </em>
  <span>!' Kix remembers suddenly. Hardcase and Jesse are close, too. He'll need to be told. With trembling hands, the medic raises his wrist comm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse, I need to see you, it's urgent. Please respond." He stifles a sob. Jesse will be devastated.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hardcase isn't doing so hot. Neither is Jesse, honestly.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is definitely a shorter chapter than the last few, but I promise the next one will more than make up for it!</p>
<p>This one is a little rough. Bring some tissues.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>To say it has been one hell of a shift is the understatement of a lifetime. Jesse’s has dealt with shinies getting into fist fights in the halls like a bunch of children, supply lists that need to be checked over and sorted, and it feels like every hour that passes he has to get ahold of Rex for something or another, which only serves to put the blonde Captain in a foul mood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if Captain Rex isn’t happy, no one is happy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When his shift is past when he's supposed to leave, he gets antsy. He's hungry, for once, and he did promise Kix that he’ll eat more, but antsy because he's still tired despite the extra sleep he managed to squeeze in before he had to report for duty, antsy because his chest feels like it’s on fire and stifling coughs while reprimanding shinies is not his idea of fun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mostly, he's antsy because he knows that the end of his shift means seeing Kix in the medbay to get his 'stomach ulcer' checked, and he hasn't found a way to get around not getting evaluated. He doesn't like lying, especially to Kix, but it's getting harder and harder to hide that he has this flower disease from anyone, and Kix finding out this way is not ideal. He could just </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, he thinks briefly. This morning...last night...it doesn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> like just sex anymore. Kix isn't the type to be polite when he doesn't need to be, despite his perfect bedside manner for his patients. If Kix didn't want him there, he'd say so, right? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No, better not to get his hopes up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's well into the morning when a new Torrent Company recruit, Tup, he thinks his name is, runs up to him. Rather, he nearly runs </span>
  <em>
    <span>into</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, and takes a huge step back before saluting him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sorry I'm late, Sir!" He addresses formally, and it makes Jesse smirk under his bucket despite his annoyance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You my replacement?" He asks, confused. "What happened to Hardcase?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tup shrugs as he stammers his answer, "I-I don't know, Sir. Captain Rex ordered me to relieve you, so here I am."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse sighs. No skin off his back, really. Hardcase does have a habit of dipping out of his patrols, just not when Jesse is the one he's replacing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, can't complain I guess," he stretches his arms over his head and cracks his back satisfyingly. "It's all yours, kiddo."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tup takes his place and Jesse checks his weapon into the depot for cleaning. He's been meaning to do it for a while, and since the ship has been quiet for the most part, he figures now isn't a bad time to have it done. Besides, it's not like he doesn't have other weapons. Rex has been training him to dual-wield pistols for a time, so if he's ever caught without his blaster, it's not that big of a deal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He's barely out of the depot when he hears Kix's voice come in over the comm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesse, I need to see you, it's urgent. Please respond</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse rolls his eyes, not picking up on the emotion in Kix's voice after a long night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"My stomach ulcer isn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> urgent, Kixystix," he answers jokingly. "Would have been there already if Hardcase hadn't dipped on his shift again."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix’s reply is abrupt. "It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hardcase."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After several seconds of staring at his wrist uncomprehendingly, Jesse suddenly finds the energy to sprint across the cruiser to the medbay, bowling over anyone that crosses his path. He quite nearly collides into the doors before they hiss open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hardcase?!" He chokes out, asking any one of the brothers that are there, but none in particular, "Where's Hardcase?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Lieutenant," Coric addresses him with an uncharacteristically soft tone and waves him over. Jesse's feet feel heavy with each step he takes, and the eyes of other brothers watch him like they know something that he doesn't. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Through here," the medic nods to a privacy curtain that's been put up around the bed. "I have to warn you, it's not good." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse nods, though he isn’t sure he really comprehends what it is that Coric is telling him, and takes a deep breath to prepare himself for what’s behind the curtain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jess," Kix says his name so quietly that he almost misses it entirely, and his stomach drops when he finds him wrapped around their little brother, stroking his cheek and rocking him in his arms. Both of their faces are streaked with blood and tears, and flower petals are scattered around them like a blanket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He's speechless, left staring open mouthed as tears spring to his own eyes. This isn't happening. This </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn't</span>
  </em>
  <span> their Hardcase. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>can't</span>
  </em>
  <span> be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I-Is he...?" Dead? Alive? Jesse doesn't know what he wants to ask. Hell, he can barely lift his feet to sit on the other side of the bed and hold onto Hardcase's hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's barely alive," Kix whispers. "He fell unconscious hours ago. It won't be long until he stops breathing."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No…'' Jesse trails off brokenly, "no, not Hardcase." He slides into the bed on their little brother's other side, and Kix doesn't protest when Jesse gently pulls the unconscious trooper into his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix shakes. "I did everything I could."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse barely registers his voice. "No, no, no, no, no," he pleads, "Hardcase, don't do this!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turns his tear-streaked face to Kix. "Who was it?" He demands, "Who killed him?!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instinctively, Kix puts a gentle finger over Jesse's lips to quiet him, and lets it linger there for a moment, missing the contact of another body, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesse's</span>
  </em>
  <span> body, specifically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He wouldn't tell me," Kix frowns as he runs a hand over Hardcase's head, tracing the lines of his tattoos mindlessly. "All he said was that it didn't matter, that they didn't love him, or see </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix shakes his head and wipes his eyes, only for more tears to press at the back of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...I'll kill them myself," Jesse growls under his breath. "Whoever did this to him...I'll kill them."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse..." Kix trails off, not knowing what else he possibly say to calm him down. Instead of taking one of the Lieutenant's hands, he settles his own on Jesse's shoulder. "I tried to save him," he whispers brokenly, "I tried..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse isn't listening. He buries his face in Hardcase's chest and desperately listens to the rasp of his breath and to the weak, thready pulse of his heartbeat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you," Jesse murmurs into 'Case's blacks, "I should have saved you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix swallows thickly, letting his hand slide from Jesse's shoulder. He gets to the curtain before Jesse stops him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Get back here," he demands into Hardcase's chest, then adds, "please, Kix. He needs you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> need you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix's heart squeezes painfully, but he obliges without argument, crawling back into the bed on the other side of Hardcase. The bed is barely big enough for one, much less two or three fully grown soldiers, but they make it work by sandwiching Hardcase between them, arms draped over him and holding him and each other as best they can. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stay like that for a long time, but time is irrelevant now. The clock ticks by faster than Hardcase can draw breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, Hardcase takes a harsh, deep breath, a name whispered and strangled on his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Crys..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he's gone, deathly still in their arms as a final tear streaks down his cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse freezes and for a single frantic heart-stopping second, Kix thinks Jesse has breathed his last, too. Then, the Lieutenant lets out a noise that Kix has heard too often these last few days. It’s the wail of a vode who has lost someone precious to them, the scream of utter heartbreak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse," he murmurs, squeezing the Lieutenant's shoulder, "Jesse, he's gone."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Where is Crys?!" Jesse sobs, "Where is the man who's murdered our baby brother?!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a surge of emotion and rage, Jesse bolts up with murderous intent in his eyes. He misses the panic that rises in Kix as he’s cut off by strong but nimble hands pushing at his chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You have to get through me to get to him," Kix sniffles as he locks eyes with Jesse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse deflates marginally. He will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> put his hands on Kix.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hardcase..." Jesse trails off, and he collapses in Kix's arms. "He's gone, Kixystix."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know." The voice is soft and familiar, comforting and broken with grief even as Kix folds Jesse into his arms. "I know," he repeats, "but we have to try to keep moving forward."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How can we?" The Lieutenant shoots back without any bite to the words, "How can we keep moving forward when our brothers - our </span>
  <em>
    <span>baby</span>
  </em>
  <span> brothers - are dying for love?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix presses a soft kiss on Jesse's head and rocks him. "He would want us to be honest about our feelings and try to find happiness where he couldn't." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse's heart clenches tighter and he coughs, blood splattering on Kix's chestplate. It goes ignored for once. Tell Kix? He could, and maybe he should, but now is not the time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I need to clean him up and get him ready to be sent back to Kamino," Kix says gently. "I want to say goodbye to him properly."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span>.' Jesse's heart shutters, vines curling violently tight in his chest until he can't breathe enough to reply without coughing violently. All he can manage is a nod as he tries to extricate himself from Kix's arms. </span>
  <em>
    <span>'Of course Kix was in love with Hardcase</span>
  </em>
  <span>.'</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Will you be okay?" The medic asks, refusing to let him leave completely, "Will you be okay until I check you over later, I mean...assuming you’re still willing to let me check you over."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse brushes him off, maybe a little more harsh than he intends, and he averts his eyes. "I'll be fine." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kix frowns and puts a hand back on Jesse's chest gently. "If you want some privacy to say your goodbyes-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I said I'm fine, Kix!" Jesse snaps, making Kix recoil. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Right,” Kix repeats as though wounded, “fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse sighs and presses his palms against his eyes. This is too much. "I'm sorry. You lost him, too. I-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's okay," Kix frowns, cutting him off. "Why don't you get changed? I have to inform Rex and General Skywalker." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse can't help the pout on his lips. He doesn’t want to be alone right now. More specifically, he needs to tell Kix. If this is what’s going to happen to him, even if Kix had been in love with Hardcase, he deserves to know how much he means to him. If he can just get him out of the medbay and alone for a minute, he can tell him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Coric can-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's </span>
  <em>
    <span>our</span>
  </em>
  <span> brother,” Kix snaps. “I'm not letting anyone else take care of him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Right. Okay, I'm going. Sorry." Jesse backs away, then takes several fast strides out of the medical bay. He doesn’t turn back to see the pain in Kix’s eyes, or the way he falls to his knees, sobbing, or that Coric is the one that picks him up and mourns with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It feels like hours have passed before Jesse makes it back to the barracks to change. A fresh pair of blacks will be nice, and maybe he’ll sneak in a nap. He’s tired, more so from his emotions running him into the ground and spitting on him for good measure than any physical activity, though he’d be a liar if he didn’t admit to his chest hurting on a consistent basis now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Grief swells unchecked in his chest, feeding the lilies. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix... " he sighs brokenly to himself and feels yet another full sized flowerhead pushing up in his throat. Jesse doesn't bother to stop it; he knows he's running out of time, and if seeing Hardcase in the state he was in is any indication, he’ll not be far behind him. He’s terrified stiff. He doesn’t want to die. There’s so much left that he wants to do, to see, to experience.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turning the full, bloody bloom over in his hands settles his resolve. For better or for worse, he has to tell Kix how he feels, and he has to do it now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesse stands and ignores the slight dizziness that impairs his steps. He’s tired, he’s established that. All he has to do is make it to Kix and tell him, and then he can close his eyes. Hell, maybe even the pain will stop for a little while. He hopes so. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A wave of unease crashes atop Jesse, and he grips the threshold of the door leading out into the hallway. A few brothers spare him passing glances, but say nothing. Righting himself, he takes a few more wobbly steps before the edges of his vision turn white. Again, he reaches for something to catch himself, but there is nothing. Jesse collapses to his knees, and a sharp wheeze wrenches itself from his throat as flower petals flow freely from his lips. One rattling cough after another forces him upright enough to find the cool metal of the bulkhead, and he props himself on that. At least it’s something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His head buzzes with sound, but he can’t make out the voices, or who they belong to. Everyone sounds the same. His vision focuses a minutely, and he notices the petals in his hand, how they're tinged with blood and saliva, and his eyes water with tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kix,” he rasps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hears footfalls, maybe. Maybe it's the pounding in his chest, or the flowers growing there, constricting his breathing. There are hands on him, but they aren't Kix's, stronger voices in his ears, but they aren't Kix's either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jesse? Jesse!" Someone says. "Fives, take his other arm!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hang on, </span>
  <em>
    <span>vod</span>
  </em>
  <span>." The other voice assures, and suddenly he's lifted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"S-Stop.." Jesse sobs, but he goes ignored as he's carried through the hallways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A door hisses open. This isn't Kix's quarters, but the room </span>
  <em>
    <span>smells</span>
  </em>
  <span> like him, and someone is screaming his name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"KIX! IT'S JESSE!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, Kix is in view. Jesse knows his face, that sweet, gorgeous face. He turns his head and coughs. He can't hide the petals this time. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finally, Jesse tells Kix how he feels, but is it too late?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello there! </p><p>I know we said that this would be a longer chapter, but due to wanting to keep a good flow, we decided to break it into two. Thus, the next chapter will be out soon! Until then, enjoy this short but sweet update, and thanks for sticking around!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oh <em> stars</em>, Jesse..." Kix’s voice trembles as wipes the blood from the corner of Jesse’s lips with the pad of his thumb.</p><p>"Get him on the table," he commands Fives and Echo, and they obey without question. Jesse is lifted again, then placed gently on the stiff surface with his back propped against the wall. "How long has he been like this?"</p><p>"Can’t really say,” Echo answers for the both of them. “We found him like this and brought him right to you.” </p><p>Before Kix can press further, a wrecked sob tears from Jesse’s throat, followed by another wet cough that produces several more petals. A sharp twinge of disappointment stings the back of Kix’s throat. This is all his fault. If he hadn’t been so blind, maybe he could have spotted the symptoms. Hell, if he hadn’t selfishly tried to keep Jesse all to himself, maybe Jesse wouldn’t be here now. </p><p>"Jesse," he pleads, "when did this start?"</p><p>More wracking coughs has both Fives and Echo reaching down to stabilize him on the table. Though neither of them voice their concern, Kix can read their expressions like an open book. They’re scared. They’ve lost so much already. Losing Jesse, too, would be devastating. </p><p>Desperate, Kix grasps Jesse's cheeks in both hands and turns his face so he has no choice but to meet his eyes. </p><p>"Jesse!" Kix implores, "<em>when</em>?!"</p><p>A hand on his back draws Kix’s attention. Echo’s words settle into his veins when he speaks. "Easy, Kix. Treatment first, questions later." </p><p>It sobers him up enough to take a steadying breath. He won't be any good if he lets something happen to Jesse. With resolve, Kix rights himself and moves on instinct. </p><p>“Keep him upright,” he instructs. “I’ll get a numbing agent for the pain.”</p><p>Kix clears his throat, feeling a dreaded flutter in his chest at the realization that Jesse loves someone else. He shakes his head and huffs. </p><p>'<em>Focus</em>.' He orders himself, '<em>You have time, he doesn't </em>.' As he returns with the syringe, Jesse's head lolls forward.</p><p>"Jesse.” Kix tries to jostle him gently back to consciousness, only earning a pained, wet noise in reply. The medic jabs him with the needle, and only lets his own tears start to fall once he's sure there's nothing more he can do until Jesse wakes up. <em> If </em>Jesse wakes up.</p><p>He breathes a shaky sigh and takes several steps back, only narrowly missing the bed tray before Fives steadies him. </p><p>"Easy, Kix," he says softly. "Sit for a second." </p><p>Kix complies, but only because his knees will give out otherwise, and he buries his face in his hands, unleashing a horrid sob. </p><p>'<em>It's not me</em>,' he hiccups, '<em>he loves someone and it's not me, and he's going to die if I don't figure this out.</em>'</p><p>He wipes his face, eyes swollen and red-rimmed as he looks up at the concerned ARCs. </p><p>"It's..that flower disease, right?" Fives asks with a frown. </p><p>"Hanahaki," Echo supplies. "Unrequited love." </p><p>"But it's not -" Fives starts, furrowing his brows together, but Echo's sharp look silences him. </p><p>"It's fine," Kix waves him off. Everyone thought that they were safe. <em> Kix </em> thought he and Jesse were safe.</p><p>His expression turns steely, even as his eyes water with the fresh pain of his own flowers taking root in his chest. A dark part of him takes a bit of solace that if he does lose Jesse, he won’t be without him for long. </p><p>"It's <em> fine</em>," he insists again, to himself more than to them. Before either ARC can begin to speculate and add their two cents, he continues, "I just have to figure out who it is. Everyone loves Jesse, he <em> has </em> to know that, right?"</p><p>Able to sense the oncoming rush of emotions, Echo steps forward, concern etched into his features, "Kix..." </p><p>The medic brushes him off. Instead, he turns in his seat then stands, stumbling over to his terminal and pulling up a list of every soldier in the 501st, sorting by Company. </p><p>"I'll start here," he mutters, "with Torrent. Surely it'd be someone he sees regularly."</p><p>"<em>Kix</em>!" Echo insists, and the medic's fingers freeze, their trembling becoming more obvious. A soft sob meets the ARCs' ears and suddenly Kix finds himself enveloped in two strong pairs of arms.”</p><p>“S-Stop it.” His command falls on deaf ears, and there’s nothing firm behind the words. “I have to keep looking. It might even be someone in Ghost Company. We’ve been partnering up with them a lot lately.”</p><p>He struggles to get his hands back on the terminal, but the twin ARC Troopers hold him in place. </p><p>“Kix, <em>li</em><em>sten </em> to us-”</p><p>"It's not me." The medic’s voice splinters, fragile and young and devastated, "I thought he loved me but he <em> doesn't </em> and now he's going to <em> die </em> if I can't figure this out!"</p><p>Kix only allows himself that one moment to break, one time to grieve that he isn't the one that Jesse wants to be with. All of those nights spent together were just to stave off his feelings, even if just for a little while. </p><p>Finally, Kix settles his resolve and breaks free of Fives and Echo. He has work to do. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, he takes a steadying breath. Even if Jesse doesn't love him, he's still his best friend. Kix won't let him die because his own emotions are compromised. </p><p>"It just doesn't make sense," he hears Fives say quietly, but he's only half listening as he looks over Jesse's vitals now that he seems to be peaceful in his slumber. "There isn't anyone in <em>any </em> company that he spends more time with than you." </p><p>Echo hums in agreement. "True, except…”</p><p>Kix doesn't want to hear what he hears next.</p><p>"<em>What about Hardcase</em>?"</p><p>Kix's hands tremble at the words and he curls them into fists to try to keep them still. No, no no no. It makes too much sense all of a sudden, and Kix feels himself on the brink of losing his stomach. Hardcase is gone, which means Jesse is doomed to his fate already. He’ll suffer in the same way that Hevy will without Sergeant O’Niner. Bile continues to rise in Kix’s throat, and his hands continue to violently shake. He’s going to lose both of them. He already lost his little brother, and now...</p><p>Jesse's vitals tick slightly faster and he groans as he struggles to weakly blink open his watery eyes. They shine bright as they seek Kix’s gaze, and the medic has to wonder how it’s possible that even lying in what could be his deathbed, Jesse’s eyes are still so Force damned beautiful.</p><p> "N-No,” Jesse rasps. “‘s not 'Case." </p><p>He barely gets the words out before miserably devolving into a fresh wheezing fit that wracks his entire frame. Once he thinks the wave has passed, however, he brings both hands up, reaching for Kix. </p><p>The medic feels something in his chest tighten, but easily slides onto the cot next to him, taking his hands in his own quivering ones. The least he can do for Jesse is be here for him. Anything that might make the pain a little more bearable is worth it in his eyes. </p><p>"I'm sorry," Jesse's breath rattles, "Kixystix.”</p><p>Of all the things, Jesse is apologizing to him, and Kix can only imagine what for. His heart breaks as he presses his face into the palm of Jesse’s hand, despite the hot tears that run down his cheek. </p><p>"No...<em>No! </em> You've done nothing to be sorry for." Kix insists and holds his hands tighter. </p><p>"Made you cry," the Lieutenant murmurs through bated breath. A broken laugh wracks his body with a fresh wave of coughs, "What kind of friend am I? Falling in love with you like this..."</p><p>Both ARCs back away slowly from the scene unfolding, giving the medic and the Lieutenant what little privacy they can. They can still hear the conversation, even as they retreat.</p><p>"Jesse," Kix can't keep the emotion from his voice no matter how stern he tries to be with him, "this is <em> not </em> a good time for your jokes."</p><p>"Not --" another series of coughs cut him off and three bloodied, wilted lilies tumble from his mouth, "I’m not joking, Kix."</p><p>Kix swallows thickly and braces himself in Jesse’s arms. </p><p>"This…” he gestures vaguely to the wilted petals and blood covering his blacks and armor. “Who is it, Jesse? Because it sure as hell isn't me. I've been in love with you since that mission where we almost lost the captain to those Commando Droids back on Saleucami."</p><p>"I know you're just trying to save me, Kixystix. I don't want your pity." Jesse wheezes out a laugh. His heart convulses in his chest and he coughs violently, wetly. "I hid it from you because I didn't want you to feel pressured or pity me. Guess you feel like that anyway."</p><p>Blood trickles from the corners of his mouth as he tries to speak around the rising flowers in his throat, "I'm...I'm sorry for that. It's why I didn't want you to find out."</p><p>Kix's heart pounds in his chest as he stares at Jesse incredulously. Jesse loves <em> him</em>? </p><p>Gently, Kix wipes the blood from Jesse's lips and cups his cheeks. "<em> Pity </em> you? Jesse, I'd give you the whole damn galaxy if you asked. I thought...<em>stars </em> Jess, I thought you <em> knew</em>. I thought we were falling in love together and--"</p><p>He stops himself as he presses his forehead to Jesse's. What if he's wrong? What if everything he thought isn't what Jesse wants at all. </p><p>"I love you more than anything, Jesse, but if your happiness is with someone else, who am I to keep you from them?"</p><p>Jesse lets his eyes close in disbelief. Spluttering on blood, even as the flowers start receding, he asks, "Were you not listening? I love <em> you</em>, <em> di'kut</em>."</p><p>Kix squeezes his eyes shut. "I heard you Jesse, but I thought-"</p><p>"You were <em> right, </em> Kixystix," Jesse breathes, and there’s less hindrance this time. </p><p>"Don't die, Jesse, please..." Kix trails off when the Lieutenant manages a soft, unimpaired chuckle.</p><p>"Why are you laughing?!" Kix hisses and frantically grips Jesse's shoulders. "This isn't a joke, Jess! You're-"</p><p>Kix stops as he listens closer to Jesse's laugh, which flows easily and dry and filled with actual mirth.</p><p>"You're breathing without complications..." Kix whispers as he comes to the realization and he listens to Jesse's heartbeat.</p><p>"I don't think I'm going anywhere," Jesse says, his voice starting to clear up. He smiles, something real and <em> light </em> as he presses his lips to Kix's. </p><p>"<em>Jesse</em>," Kix laughs against his lips, "thank the stars."</p><p>Jesse wraps his arms around Kix's shoulders and pulls him down for a deeper kiss. The medic lets his hands skate up Jesse's sides and almost whimpers.</p><p>"I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose you." The gravity of the situation finally washes over him and Kix squeezes him tighter. "I love you, Jesse. I am so in love with you."</p><p>Jesse laughs breathlessly into  his mouth, "I still need air, Kixystix!" After he heaves a lungful of oxygen, he replies softly, "I love you too."</p><p>"Um, I hate to interrupt..." a voice cuts in and Kix nearly leaps out of his skin as he sits up. </p><p>"Coric!" He exclaims, and his cheeks flush a brilliant shade of red. </p><p>"Yeah, I'm still here," he says with an amused smirk. "While I'm super happy for you, we have actual sick patients to tend to and we could use the bed." </p><p>"Right, right of course!" Kix exclaims as he climbs off of Jesse and sheepishly scratches the back of his head. </p><p>"Go get some sleep, Kix," Coric orders with a small smile. "Seems like you have some things to catch up on." </p><p>"Uh, yeah," Kix answers and helps Jesse off the bed. When he turns the ARCs are still standing there awkwardly.</p><p>"If you're just going to loiter around, I'm sure Coric can put you to work," Kix can't muster up enough bite to actually snap at them though, not when his blood is humming in his veins and he feels high on elation. </p><p>Echo shoots him a grin and Fives relaxes slightly. "Of course, Kix," Echo turns to Jesse nodding respectfully. "Good to see you feeling better, <em> ori’vod</em>."</p><p>Fives raises an eyebrow and before Echo realizes what he's going to do, the other ARC is already talking.</p><p>"Be sure to give him a workout," Fives teases and narrowly dodges the empty tray Kix throws at his head before Echo yanks him back in Coric's direction, laughing all the while.</p><p>"I will!" Jesse calls back to Fives, who gives him a thumbs up as Echo laughs as drags him back through the medbay doors. Despite the joke at his expense, he's glad to see the two of them smiling after the day they've had. Losing two squad mates and consoling another is no easy task, but Kix is happy that they at least have one another. </p><p>He turns back to Jesse, who has sat up on his own by now and has his legs over the edge of the bed. Now that Kix really takes him in, he hates that he never noticed before how ill Jesse was. He's a medic for Force sake. He should have known to check him for Hanahaki. He knows the symptoms. To think that he almost lost him because he was lost in his own desires puts a weight back on his chest, and he frowns. </p><p>"Coric, am I good to go?" Jesse asks the other medic as he peeks around Kix. </p><p>"Normally, I'd want to monitor you over the next day to make sure that your lung function is returning properly," Coric starts, "but since you'll be in the care of one of the best medic's in the Galactic Army of the Republic, I don't see why you can't be monitored from the comfort of your own bed. I'll inform Rex that you'll be off-duty for the next 48 hours while we do follow ups."</p><p>Jesse grins and hops off the bed. "Thanks!"</p><p>He's quick to grab Kix's hand and drag him along beside him, the medic following along wordlessly and giddy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finally, sex without complicated feelings. Finally, Jesse can hold Kix and not feel like it's the only thing holding him together. Finally, he can tell him he loves him over and over again and Kix will say it back.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We don't care about blood and petals. We die like men.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as they make it back into Kix's quarters, Jesse whirls on him, his grin bright and contagious. </p><p>"You love me?" He asks again, delight and incredulity still chasing each other in his dark amber eyes.</p><p>"Of <em> course </em> I love you." Kix kisses the small amount of remaining doubt from Jesse's face. “So, I was right? We were falling in love together?"</p><p>"Shut up and kiss me again," the Lieutenant playfully demands in lieu of a proper answer, and Kix is more than willing to give in.</p><p>Kix is willing, oh, so willing, but he falters, and Jesse immediately catches it. Of course he does.</p><p>"Kix?" He questions, and there's a pang of fear in his voice that breaks Kix's heart. </p><p>The medic cups Jesse's face and brings their foreheads together, closing his eyes in a feeble attempt to will the unwanted emotions rising up in his chest away. </p><p>"I love you so much, Jesse." He says the words so softly that Jesse almost doesn't hear them. "I love you, and I wasn't able to tell that I was the source of all your pain."</p><p>“I...Kix…” Jesse frowns and pulls him closer. </p><p>"<em>Stomach ulcers </em> ?" Kix's fingers subconsciously tighten on Jesse's cheeks. "I'm a <em> medic, </em> and I let you convince me that all of this was just stomach ulcers when in reality you were slowly dying."</p><p>"Hey, it's not-" Jesse's look deepens as he tries to tilt Kix's gaze up to meet his own.</p><p>“The other night in the fresher, you were coughing up petals, weren't you? That's why you sent me away. So I'd stop questioning you." Kix accuses, and guilt settles in Jesse's bones. </p><p>"I never wanted to hurt you, Kix," he sighs quietly. "I thought that by keeping it a secret you wouldn't feel pressured into feelings when..."</p><p>He trails off, but Kix doesn't need him to finish. </p><p>"...when it was just sex," he says for him, and Kix sighs, defeated. "<em> Stars</em>, Jesse. I should have just told you that night. I wanted to. I <em> did</em>, but I didn't think you wanted to hear it."</p><p>"You thought- what?!" Jesse draws back slightly, confusion clear on his face, "Why did you think that?"</p><p>Kix fidgets, embarrassed, "I thought... when you stiffened up the way you did, I thought it was just sex to you, but you'd been slowly dying the whole time because you thought... what, you thought I just wanted a quick fuck from a friend?!"</p><p>Jesse barks out an incredulously laugh. "Force alive, Kixystix, of course that's what I thought."</p><p>When Kix opens his mouth to argue, Jesse puts a finger to his lips and cuts him off with a darling smile. </p><p>"I look at you, and I see the entire galaxy in your eyes. You're <em> everything </em> I could ever want in a man and more, beautiful, compassionate, intelligent, the embodiment of perfection." Jesse takes a long breath and drops his finger from Kix's lips. "And then there's me. I'm loud, a troublemaker, and not nearly as smart. So, why in all of creation would someone like you catch feelings for someone like me?"</p><p>"I thought," he continues, "that I was going to be a notch in your belt, just someone who got the privilege to share a bed with you. And then you kept coming back."</p><p>He shakes his head. "I didn't know what to think after that. I just knew that I'd give you anything you wanted from me as long as you kept coming back. All I wanted was to make you happy, Kix. I still do."</p><p>"Jesse..." Kix trails off, uncertain. "I just wanted <em> you</em>. I still only want you. If you still-"</p><p>"Kiss me." Jesse murmurs, already closing the distance between them, "Show <em> and </em> tell me how you feel."</p><p>"Jesse," the medic's voice catches with emotion as he brings both hands up to cradle the Lieutenant's face, "you are worth so much more than sex to me. You're my best friend, but you're also someone I think I could be happy spending my life with after the war."</p><p>Jesse pauses, surprised by the earnestness in Kix's tone. Hope flares in his chest. </p><p>"You… you mean that?"</p><p>Kix shivers at his own confession. It’s the first time he's admitted those feelings out loud, even to himself, and he nods, mouth parted as he tries to catch his own breath. </p><p>"I want to stay with you," he breathes against his lips. His heart pounds in his chest and his fingers tremble on Jesse's skin. "Let me stay with you, Jesse."</p><p>"Forever," he pants as shock and elation race through his veins. "Stay with me forever."</p><p>Delighted tears spring into the corners of Kix's eyes as he crushes himself to Jesse, kissing him with as much force as he possibly can muster, and he hardly complains when Jesse lifts him into his arms. A soft, disbelieving laugh escapes his lips as he wraps his legs around Jesse's waist. </p><p>"I love you," Kix whispers between kisses. "I love you, I love you, I love you..."</p><p>"I love you too," Jesse breathes against his lips as he leans into Kix, pinning him to the wall. "<em> Stars</em>, I love you so kriffing much."</p><p>Another desperate kiss interrupts his string of praises and adoration, and Kix rolls down into the growing hardness jutting under Jesse's blacks. A sharp inhale is all Jesse manages to take in before spinning and stumbling toward the medic's bed, tumbling on top of him and bracketing him there with his body. Shuddering, Jesse lets a shaky sigh fall against Kix's parted lips. </p><p>"I love you so much, Kixystix." It comes quiet enough to almost be a whimper, even as he rolls his hips down to meet Kix's, "Stay with me forever. That’s how long I'll need you.”</p><p>A light, sweet smile that Jesse is almost certain he's never seen on Kix before spreads over the medic's lips as he kisses him slowly, tenderly. It sucks the desperation right from his loins and he melts. </p><p>"If we have forever, then what's our rush, <em>cyare</em>," Kix whispers between them, and there's a hint of a laugh in his tone that sets Jesse's chest on fire in all of the ways that love <em> should</em>. </p><p>"Make love to me, Jesse," he continues as he slides his palms over his covered chest. "Let me show you how much you mean to me."</p><p>"Kix," Jesse exhales against the medic's lips and shivers at the reverent touch. With bated breath, he rolls down into him with less urgency, then sits up so he can strip off the upper half of his blacks. He doesn't miss the way Kix's breath catches when he palms over Jesse's bare torso. </p><p>"See something you like?" He teases as he slips his own hands under Kix's blacks in return. Goosebumps dance along the surface of Kix's skin as Jesse pulls his upper blacks over his head and off, tossing them aside. Kix flushes under Jesse's scrutiny, and he reaches up to let his fingers dip along the crevasses of his taut abs. </p><p>"Stars, you're gorgeous, Jesse," Kix breathes as his eyes roam over the expanse of skin. "I could look at you for hours and find you just as fascinating as the first time I saw you like this." </p><p>"You mean as cadets in the fresher?" Jesse teases lightly. "Don't tell me you had a thing for me then, too." </p><p>"Maybe I did," Kix grins and leans up to nuzzle his cheek. "Maybe I stole a few peeks at you then, too. I'll never tell."</p><p>"Maybe you should," Jesse grazes a hint of teeth over his earlobe, "maybe I need the ego boost."</p><p>"You? You hardly need an ego boost." Kix laughs and playfully swats at him. After a moment he pulls Jesse down for another slow kiss. </p><p>"Maybe I will tell you, someday. Not now, though. Now, I want to enjoy my time with you, even just these scarce moments we have."</p><p>A soft his of breath leaves Jesse as soft warm hands skim down his abdomen, hooking into the waistband of his pants.</p><p>"Please, may I?" Kix asks, tugging lightly, his request obvious.</p><p>"Yeah," Jesse replies, near breathless with his gentle Kix is being with him, "you never have to ask, Kixystix. I could never say no to you."</p><p>"Oh, you could," Kix hums against his throat, "but you <em> won't </em>." </p><p>He rolls the bottom half of Jesse's blacks down just enough to let his cock spring out from the confines and immediately drags his fingertips along the underside, pressing the tip lightly into his stomach. </p><p>"Kix..." Jesse hisses and presses a reverent kiss to his cheek. "The things you do to me..."</p><p>"What do I do to you?" Kix teases breathlessly, massaging slow circles under the head of his cock with his thumb.</p><p>"Kix, <em> please</em>, you--" Jesse gasps as the medic dips the pad of a finger into the slit, pulling away with a fragile string of precum connecting to the head of his cock. His lashes flutter on flushed cheeks, and he can't help but arch into the touch. </p><p>"Everything," he sighs. "You make me see stars with every touch, every kiss makes me weak in the knees." </p><p>Kix chuckles and grips his cock tighter, stroking in long, languid motions. "Is that all?" </p><p>"Not even close," Jesse whispers against his skin. "The question is, what do <em> I </em> do to <em> you</em>?" </p><p>As he asks the question, his fingers dip into the waistband of Kix's blacks and he cups the hardening length in his grasp. </p><p>“Seems like I'm not the only one who is hopelessly turned on," Jesse teases as his lips curl into a devious smirk. </p><p>Kix can't suppress a breathless laugh as he arches into the Lieutenant's touch. "That's an accurate assessment. What do you plan to do about it?"</p><p>"I plan to indulge both of us this time. I'll take care of you, <em> and </em> let you take care of me." He throws Kix a wink as he slides down the medic's body, rolling his lower blacks down his thighs as he goes and mouthing over his cock. A low, quiet sigh falls from Kix's lips as Jesse closes his mouth around him, pushing his lips over the head and half way down his length before dragging them back up. </p><p>Kix is loathe to admit that even the smallest bit of attention has his cock pulsing. He chalks it up to this newfound adrenaline rush of exposed feelings. Jesse <em> loves </em> him, wants to <em> stay </em> with him after the war. His bed will constantly have the lingering scent of Jesse having been there, and it makes Kix blush as his toes curl into the sheets. </p><p>"Jesse..." he moans softly as his fingers trace the lines of the Republic cog on his face. It doesn't stop Jesse from pushing Kix's cock further down his throat, until his nose is pressed to the delicately trimmed happy trail and he breathes in his scent. When Jesse swallows, Kix lets out a broken moan sounding vaguely like his name. </p><p>"J-Jess, <em> please </em>-"</p><p>Jesse slides off with a wet pop and trails his fingertips softly up the underside of Kix’s erection. "Yes, Kixystix?" </p><p>Kix can't help the soft flush that rises in his cheeks when Jesse calls him by the nickname that used to bring him so much rage, and now only fills him with even more love and adoration. His amber eyes glaze over his lust as the words leave his mouth. </p><p>"Let me taste you. I want to get you nice and stiff before you fuck me."</p><p>That wicked little smirk returns to Jesse's lips as he slides back up Kix's body. "And how would you like to do that?"</p><p>Before Jesse can bracket him again, Kix nudges his shoulders and pushes until he has Jesse on his back. He slinks over him before tossing him a coy wink. "Oh, I think you know."</p><p>Without making him wait, Kix turns himself around, showing off his ass before sprawling out atop the Lieutenant and nosing at his cock.</p><p>"Kix," his name breaks on Jesse's lips when he takes that cock into his mouth. He smirks to himself around it, and bobs in a slow, indulgent rhythm.</p><p>With a sudden stroke of brilliance, Jesse takes Kix's ass in his hands and spreads him open, baring his hole to the cool air. He pulls it down to his face and licks a hot, wet stripe from behind Kix's balls up to his tailbone.</p><p>"If you're going to taste me," he purrs challengingly, kneading the medic's ass, "then I may as well stretch you out for my cock."</p><p>An approving moan vibrates Jesse's cock as Kix takes him down again, opening his throat for him and sucking his cock like he was born to do exactly that. Nine hells, for all Jesse knows, that might be <em> exactly </em> what Kix was born to do, though it is highly unlikely. Still, Jesse can't help but rock into Kix's willing mouth as he circles the pulsing ring of tight muscle with the tip of his tongue, getting it nice and wet before he presses in. Another moan has Kix's thighs tightening, despite Jesse trying to relax him. </p><p>"Easy, <em>cyare</em>," Jesse coos as he peppers kisses along the crease of his ass, "let me take care of you."</p><p>Kix groans around the cock in his mouth as it twitches. He consciously tries to unclench his thighs, but he’s quivering too much, and when Jesse licks into him it seta off a renewed litany of frantic moans and flexing muscle.</p><p>"Relax, Kixystix," Jesse soothes again. “I don’t want to hurt you.” </p><p>The shudder elicits an affectionately soft laugh. Jesse kneads the swell of his ass, before leaning in again to exhale against the twitching hole. He presses another kiss to Kix's fluttering hole before Kix relaxes enough for him to press a finger in, up to the first knuckle, and Kix pulls up enough to moan lewdly. </p><p>"<em>Jess </em>!" Kix whines and presses back, desperate to be filled. </p><p>"<em>K'uur </em>, Kixystix," Jesse chuckles and licks around the thick digit. "You were just saying you wanted to take your time."</p><p>Kix keens in protest and mouths down the side of Jesse's cock. Worshiping the base with his lips and tongue, Kix gives in to the urge to gently close his mouth around each ball in turn.</p><p>The sudden attention has Jesse arching into his mouth with a sharp gasp. </p><p>"<em>Kix </em>!" He hisses as he tries to control his stuttering hips, and instinctively tightens one hand on the back of the medic's thigh before letting go. "Behave!" </p><p>He brings his hand down emphatically, only hard enough for the <em> smack </em> to ring out in their quarters. The medic jumps with a whine and presses his ass back into Jesse's hand, and the Lieutenant rubs over the reddening handprint. </p><p>"<em>I </em> want to go slow," he murmurs gently as he works the tip of one finger in. "I want to take you apart and fuck you until you forget your own name."</p><p>At the blunt statement, Kix purrs. "<em>Please </em>..."</p><p>He emphasizes his plea by dragging the flat of his tongue along the side of his cock, then closes his mouth around it again and swallows. When he pulls back up, he has a sly grin on his lips. </p><p>"I want to be your good boy," he moans, and relaxes enough for Jesse to slide his finger in further. </p><p>Jesse hums, nipping a little mark into his ass next to the handprint. "You <em> are</em>, <em> cyare</em>. You're so good for me."</p><p>The medic shivers, and his thighs tremble even as they spread further, an idea percolating in his mind. "Please, <em> Sir</em>."</p><p>Jesse growls possessively and eases a second finger in beside the first, "You don't need to call me ‘Sir,’ Kixystix."</p><p>Kix groans and arches into his touch, "Just because we're off duty doesn't mean I shouldn't give you proper respect--" </p><p>His voice cuts off in what he'll deny is a squeak as Jesse crooks his fingers perfectly against his prostate.</p><p>"There it is," Jesse teases with a short chuckle and strikes the spot again, causing Kix to keen and moan as he digs into Jesse's thighs. "Love that sweet little spot. Makes you like jelly in my hands." </p><p>The only verbal response is Kix mewling as he pants against the tip of Jesse's cock, letting a string of saliva connect his lips to it. </p><p>"That's it, Trooper," Jesse teases, "let me make you feel good." </p><p>"J-Jess!" Kix sobs, far too distracted to keep at licking his cock. </p><p>Jesse rubs his fingers over the spot again, stretching him and scissoring his hole. "I'll take such good care of you, Kixystix. For the rest of our lives."</p><p>"Yes, please I want that., want to be yours." Kix gasps as a third finger inches in slowly and Jesse laughs softly before licking in to ease the stretch.</p><p>"I'll make you mine, <em>cyare</em>," Jesse murmurs into the back of his thigh, "I'll live through this war for you." He spreads his fingers gently, working them in and out, dragging over that spot again and again and again until Kix is near sobbing his need into the crease of his hip.</p><p>"I'll have you for the rest of our lives." Jesse's voice is soft and serious; he stills his fingers to give Kix a chance to process his words.</p><p>Despite Jesse having stopped the motion of his fingers, Kix still finds himself panting and shivering against him. Live out the war, belong to Jesse, and only Jesse? It sounds like a dream, one that he's admittedly had before. Their life is filled with sunshine and living lavishly. He wants nothing more than to go to bed in Jesse's arms and wake up in the same place. </p><p>"I want to be with you always," he breathes, and it's emotional, serious. "I want you, I love you so much." </p><p>"I love you, Kix," Jesse hums, his heart swelling with emotion. "I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy."</p><p>He accents his words with the slow pull of his fingers, leaving Kix empty.</p><p>"Jess," Kix moans, rolling his hips uselessly in the Lieutenant's grip, "please."</p><p>He doesn't need to clarify what he wants. Jesse gently swats him on the thigh again. "Why don't you sit that pretty ass down on my cock, hm?"</p><p>Kix doesn't need any more of an invitation than that. He scrambles to turn himself around and settle his legs on either side of Jesse's hips. Instead of handling Jesse's cock sinking down onto him, he laces his fingers with Jesse's and pulls until they're pressed flush chest to chest. When Jesse gives him a questioning look, Kix smiles, sincere and beautiful, and Jesse feels his heart skips a beat. </p><p>"Hold onto me," the medic breathes against Jesse's lips as he places his hands on his hips and lets go. </p><p>Without argument, Jesse tenderly grips him and drags kisses along Kix's collarbone as he positions himself. </p><p>Both of them hitch their breath as Kix slowly lowers himself onto Jesse's cock.</p><p>"Kix," his voice cracks over the single syllable of the medic's name, "stars, you could ask me for anything and I'd give it to you, no questions asked."</p><p>The statement, reminiscing of Kix's own words just days prior, elicits a warm laugh. </p><p>"I thought I told <em> you</em>," Kix moans breathlessly as he tries to rock down, "that with a mouth like yours you could get away with anything."</p><p>"Could I get away with loving you?" Jesse asks the question he'd been dying to ask before, even though he now knows the answer. "Could you let me love you, and would you love me back?"</p><p>As Jesse keeps his thrusts slow and deep, Kix's lashes flutter on his cheeks, and he gently cups Jesse's in his hands. His eyes flood with emotions that he doesn't have to hide anymore. </p><p>"<em>Yes</em>," he gasps, "love me. Love me, even when you don't know if you can anymore. Love me with your last breath and every second after." </p><p>Kix's lip trembles as he presses a kiss to Jesse's and slowly rides his cock up and down. "And I'll love you even if the stars go out and there's nothing left." </p><p>Jesse can't help the sting of tears from the emotions that well in his chest. How in all of the universe did he get so damn lucky? What did he do right to be so unbelievably blessed with a gift such a Kix? </p><p>"Oh, <em> cyare</em>..." he whispers and he holds Kix tighter, nuzzling into his cheek as he finds himself lost for words.</p><p>"Don't cry," Kix begs as he squeezes around him, "please don't cry." He rocks down slowly, taking the Lieutenant's cock deep and gentle. A soft touch to Jesse's cheek earns him a quietly affectionate noise.</p><p>"Loving you...it's the most <em> brilliant </em> feeling in the galaxy." Jesse whispers. He doesn't notice the tears tracking down his cheeks until he feels the answering tears trickling down Kix's.</p><p>"Oh, I made you cry again." Jesse stills his hips entirely and he catches the tears on the pads of his thumbs, wiping them away gently. </p><p>"Good tears, I promise, <em> cyare</em>," the medic murmurs against his lips, "I just want to be yours, and for you to be mine in return." He rocks down again, still slowly--so slowly. </p><p>"Think you can do that for me? Think you can be mine, Jess?"</p><p>Jesse holds firmly onto his cheeks, looking him in the eyes as Kix draws soft pants from him. "All I want is to belong to you, not to this war, or the Republic, just <em> you</em>."</p><p>They both know the words are traitorous, but kept between them, they'll never tell, and Jesse can see in the way that Kix's breath stutters and his eyes shine with both absolute <em> love </em> that he feels the same. </p><p>"Make me yours," Kix replies just as softly, his hips rolling at an agonizingly slow pace. </p><p>Jesse chuckles and shifts his hands back down along Kix's sides until they envelope him completely in his arms. "I'll put a ring on you one day, but for now, this will have to do."</p><p>Without warning, Jesse tips Kix onto his back and falls with him, bracketing his body to the bed once more. This time, however, Jesse draws his hips back, rolls his hips back in, gradually picking up speed as he laces their fingers together again.</p><p>"Jess," Kix gasps as he wraps his legs around Jesse's waist, "<em>kriff,</em> I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." He flexes and lifts his ass slightly, changing the angle and allowing Jesse to fuck him deeper.</p><p>"Love you too, Kixystix," he murmurs softly, mouthing possessively up the side of his neck as he maintains steady, rolling thrusts "Mine. You're <em> mine</em>, my beautiful little medic."</p><p>"Yours," Kix agrees, lifting himself slightly to meet each of Jesse's thrusts. "When you ask--" he gasps as the pressure against his prostate shifts again, "when you ask, I'll say yes. I'd always say yes to you."</p><p>An emotion, relief, Jesse thinks, mixed with sheer giddiness, washes over him. Finally, <em> finally</em>, he can be with Kix. He can kiss him, touch him, tell him over and over again how much he loves him without the fear of being rejected or the unwelcome blossoms spilling from his lips. No, now he can fill himself with Kix, immerse himself entirely without reservation and <em> stars </em> nothing could feel as incredible as loving someone so much that they consume you and to have those feelings returned. </p><p>"I'll take care of you," Jesse whispers the promise into his skin as he angles his hips. "I'll give you the best life I can."</p><p>"You already do," Kix gasps as the tip of Jesse's cock massages his prostate. "H-Having you like this..."</p><p>He's cut off when Jesse rocks into him faster, and the new angle allows him to constantly put pressure on that single spot that can make Kix see stars behind his eyes. His words leave him as his back arches, silently begging for more.</p><p>"Jess," he gasps, arching almost entirely off the bed.</p><p>"Cum for me," Jesse murmurs against Kix's lips, "cum on my cock, <em> cyare</em>."</p><p>It doesn't take long. Another three, four thrusts that grind over his prostate has Kix tipping over. More than that, his whole body reacts as he spills himself between them. A rush of emotion has him starving for air, and he trembles under the weight of Jesse's body on top of his. He's dizzy with desire, the love and adoration he feels for Jesse, and his skin flushes as he moans loud enough to crack through the sexually charged atmosphere in the room. </p><p>It's so much more than an orgasm this time. It's an experience from beginning to end, dragging him through an emotional journey that starts and ends with Jesse being the most important everything in his world. </p><p>Words fail him as he rides out the high, clinging to the feeling as Jesse continues to rock into him. All he can hear, think, see, feel, breathe...it's all Jesse. All of him belongs to this man now, consumed by him entirely.</p><p>"Kix," Jesse breathes his name, a prayer, still half in disbelief that this man wants <em> him</em>, "stars, you're beautiful, Kixystix." </p><p>He punctuates his words with another thrust before spilling himself inside the man under him- the man who holds the key to his heart.</p><p>Breathing heavily, Kix wraps himself tighter around him. "Stay in me. Stay <em> with </em> me." </p><p>Jesse shivers and claims Kix's lips as he rides out the high. Kix is here and is his and stars that means more to him than he ever thought anything could. He settles on top of him, letting Kix take his full weight as he weakly shifts inside of him. </p><p>"I love you, Kix," Jesse huffs against his lips when they break from their kiss. He wants to add more to that, but the words don't feel like they'll do the emotions justice. Instead, he nestles his head just beneath Kix's chin and presses his ear to the sound of Kix's heartbeat. He listens to the steady thrum as he comes down from the rush and closes his eyes for a moment. </p><p>"I can't believe you're mine," he whispers.</p><p>"I've always been yours," Kix promises as he settles one hand on the side of Jesse's head, "and I always will be."</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The boys say their final goodbyes to their fallen brothers, and their lives go on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise! You not only get one, not two, but THREE updates in two days! </p><p>At last, the end is here. Thank you so much for sticking with us through this absolutely amazing journey of a story. It's been such a pleasure to share it with you all. Reading your comments, seeing your kudos, they all make our days a little brighter. </p><p>We'll be taking a short break from clone content for a little bit, but rest assured, we aren't done telling our stories! We have a couple of things that we've put on the back burner during the pandemic to juggle life, but now that the both of us are vaccinated, we will be continuing to work on them. We'll keep them our little secret for now, but we will be back. </p><p>Thanks again for following along with us. We love you all!</p><p>-Kanra and Blaze</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's several days before the medical transport back to Kamino is able to make it out to the <em> Resolute II </em> with all of the cases of Hanahaki being spread across the clone army. </p><p>Kix has spent more time with the dead than he has with the living in that time, preparing their bodies for transport, cleaning them up, and writing up the reports to send back to the medical staff on Kamino for them to do their final autopsies. Four bodies in a day, and another two over the course of that time to add to the list. It's selfish, Kix knows, but he's thankful to whoever in the force is watching over him that Jesse's body isn't amongst them. </p><p>Eyes heavy from lack of sleep, he glances over the clear containers with a final check before he has the retrieval crew moving them out of the morgue to be loaded onto the transport. O'Niner, Cutup, Droidait, and the two shinies who hadn’t even been given their names yet, are all lined up side by side, leaving one at the end of the line. Kix stops with a heavy sigh and places his hand on it. </p><p>"Hardcase," he rasps, fighting back the surge of emotions that burns his throat, "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you." </p><p>His fingers curl into the glass, and he allows himself the time to cry once more while he has the privacy. It doesn’t feel right. He and Jesse get to live and be in love, but not their little brother. There’s a hole where they used to fit as a trio, and it hurts. Kix can still hear him laughing, can hear him pestering them about getting together. He beats himself up over that at night, how it was obvious to him that his best friends were in love, but they couldn’t see it themselves. Hardcase tried so hard to be there for that moment, and it took them until he was cold and stiff before they had the courage to be honest. </p><p>If nothing else, Kix finds a bit of solace in having found the man that Hardcase had given his love to. It doesn’t do him much now, but it brings him a sliver of peace knowing that Crys will never know what he’s missing. </p><p>“He never even looked at you, when he was all you were looking at.” Kix’s voice trembles, and his teardrops splatter on the glass pane of the transport container. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Having said what he needs to, Kix signals the crew to have the bodies moved. He follows behind, as protocol states, to ensure that nothing happens to them between his medical bay and the transport. His legs shake, and he wipes his eyes before they reach the main hallway. He's thankful for the brothers that step aside and take off their buckets to pay their respects as they pass. </p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he catches a blond with slicked back hair from donning 212th gold on his armor lurking in the shadows. His eyes are damp as they follow Hardcase's pod. Neither of them murmur a peep, but they both know that he's the one responsible for Kix and Jesse’s little brother not being with them now. </p><p>He's only mildly surprised to see Fives and Echo supporting Hevy between them when they reach the transport. They've lost so much--brothers, best friends, and for Hevy, the love of his life. Kix's heart aches for them as they say their final goodbyes, and Hevy falls to his knees, still quietly begging for his Sergeant to hold him again.</p><p>"Did you see him?"</p><p>A voice from behind Kix startles him at first, but he immediately relaxes when he recognizes it to be Jesse's. Kix doesn't need to look at him to know that he's quietly seething. He can feel it rolling off of him in waves. </p><p>"I did," he replies. "Do you think he misses him?"</p><p>Jesse shrugs as he moves to stand beside Kix. Subtly, their fingers slide together and entwine. He sets his bucket down on top of the pod and rests his other hand next to it. </p><p>“It hardly matters now, does it?” Jesse’s voice is hard, but Kix knows that it’s to steel himself off and keep his emotions in check. When they’re alone tonight, they’ll cry and hold one another. They’ll mourn their losses, and then they’ll fight another day, because that’s what Hardcase would want them to do.</p><p>"Rest easy, <em> vod'ika</em>," he whispers, and his grip on Kix's hand tightens significantly. No sooner does Jesse remove his bucket from the top of the pod does the crew load in Hardcase, the last of the bodies to be sent back to Kamino. </p><p>Kix exchanges the necessary paperwork, and they salute the fallen men as they take off to make their final trip home.</p>
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